This guest posting brought to you by my brother, SpeedMetal.
It's Sunday morning. Several years ago. I'm in the grocery store. It's early. So early you shouldn't be doing anything at all let alone shopping for foodstuffs.
Then, I see him.
It feels like a dream. I rub my eyes and he's still there. Hollywood screenwriters don't have the imagination to create the character standing before me. He's about 5'4". A white ten gallon hat sits atop a head of greased ringlets of shoulder length black hair.
His porn-stache framed mouth nervously flicks a toothpick back and forth as he scans his surroundings.
Is he in a singles bar or the checkout line I wonder?
Then I take note of the rest of his outfit. I'm not sure what's more blinding, the cheap gold chains or the mostly unbuttoned shimmering gold satin shirt he's wearing.
Either way it compliments his skin tight red Wrangler jeans like you wouldn't believe. This monstrosity of an outfit was topped (or bottomed) off with, you guessed it, snakeskin cowboy boots. It was so surreal I took the best mental picture I could and swore to never forget him...
The Sleezy Mexican Cowboy.