"Dear fat lady on train, Fat doesnt equal handicapped. So I refuse to give my seat up no matter how much sweat it took you to shoot me that dirty look."
"maybe she was sweating because of the sexual tension between you & she"
"If you’re wearing clean socks and you don’t have hooks for hands then I’ve succeeded as a mother."
"How much did you pay for your sticky boobs?"
"If Mr. Peanut can pull off a monacle, so can I."
"Homeless guy on train asked me for a dime. I was feeling generous and gave him a dollar. He then grabbed my crotch. So...who wins?"
Special Flag Day Quotes
"It's the actor who played Tootsie."
"You mean the retard from Rain Man?"
"You mean Tom Cruise."
"If Rowdy Roddy Piper doesn't body slam somebody in this movie I'm gonna be really upset."
"I thought you were dead."
"I thought you were a man."
"It's like Leatherface and Scarface at the same time."
"What the hell!?! Don't you know it's fuckin' Flag Day!!! We're waiting for Rowdy Roddy Piper to pull out his sword, and I don't mean penis!"
"I'd say them tits da bomb!"
"Seriously, every cat I do this to..."
"You do a lot of cats?"
"Is that Robert Englund?"
"No, it's Jenna Jameson."
"You know when I was in London it was just like this."
"All the strippers were zombies?"
"Someone give her a pity dollar."
"Ewwww. You can't light pornstars from below."
"Wait a minute, I didn't sign on for a donkey show."
"Sluts on parade."
"That's my favorite Rage Against the Machine song."
"We drink to flags on Flag Day. Especially if they're on panties."
"Hey, they're not all gems."
"I can't believe he drank a whole bottle of peach vodka."
"Well, he drank half and his vagina drank the other half."
"to be continued... in space."