Wrap your head with this material...

""I told Hannah that she could watch a movie after I stopped being deranged and she started crying because that was going to take too long and the movie is only a one week rental" "Daddy, why is there a hippie van at Starbucks?" "I guess some hippies want coffee." She laughs, "Hippies don't drink coffee!" ""Mutha Earth is sick of my sass" reads "motherfucker sucks my ass" if you squint your eyes and know you're on Karin's Facebook page." "Sorry, I won't interrupt you while you're talking to yourself again." "Thank you." "I don't think you should be traveling cross country when you are 9 months pregnant (and your vagina is large enough for a minivan to drive through without even touching the sides)"

Really? I have to do this? The whole what'reyouthankfulfor? Fine, but I'm not going to like it. Here goes. Every year on Thanksgiving I go for a run. Always by myself, and always a wonderful introspective full lunged run. I love it. So I'll start there. My nephew, Collin and really my entire family of in-laws. A girl just can't get luckier. They let me cuss and be obnoxious and weird and have my wedding my weird way and be a ski bum or a writer or a delinquent or a teacher or a social worker and not only accept me but seem to like and be proud of my quirks. But back to my nephew. My family's all girls. And I'm a busy girl. I like to run and play and rough house. He does too. We went to the City Museum yesterday and played and chased and ran ragged. I'm glad I get to have a relationship with him where we do that. Get each other. His dad and my husband stood around holding coats and meeting up when and where we were supposed to. I'm thankful for them doin...

"Jesus, are you trying to fuck her or set her on fire?" "Sometimes they take too much batting practice and they leave their leg in the net." (whispering) "I don't want a Mormon to cut my hair." "I hate those metal core dudes with their eye liner and shaggy hair and tight jeans doing stupid kung fu kicks in the pit." "What do you get when you cross Sir Elton John with a saber toothed tiger?" "I don't know, but you better keep it away from my ass." "small kids who swear are my kryptonite" "Why is it coming up with pictures of women when I put in 'chest hair' and 'gold chains'?" "There's a lot of assclownery afoot." "They have a great brunch over at the AssClownery." Linnea Quote *singing* "Idea... I have an idea. I have an idea." "What's your idea?" "I'm singing until it comes."

I received a voicemail from my brother today informing me that my niece, the absolutely gorgeous 2 year old Ms. Linnea was walking around the house with a pot lid on her chest saying, "Look at me! I've got big nipples!"

After I passed the test of the one called Linnea's: "Tumbling Class," I dedicated the rest of my captivity at the Mitchell/Johnson household to learning about their forms of entertainment. El Tobagan Gigante! The Teeter Toddler I was disappointed to find this does not have anything to do with toppling a Toddler. Que Lastima! Never would I have believed a tiny 'girl' would get away with pushing the Great Escalante, but it was muy Fun! Me gusta talking basura (trash) on XBox And my FAVORITE, the BASS! The Pointiness of the Great Escalante's Teeth triumph again!

Karin tried to call it a hiatus, but I was kidnapped by the one they call Linnea. She forced me through a set of trials she called "tumbling class." First she made me walk the plank Once I got the hang of it, I really liked it. She tried to get me down though, so I bit her. Then she made me watch from the sidelines while she jumped on the trampoline. Then I discovered pinche Esteban from bendejoslandia. You did not doubt the great pointiness of the Great Escalante's teeth in battle did you? I triumphed and became the lord of the rings I rode the Pommel Horse off into the Sunset

I spent some time with the great Battle Cats Juno and Bleaker on Friday. Yes they look cute and cuddly, but I watched and saw the truth from those bendejos. They have moves. Like the thumbless headlock The pointed tooth head bite The paw secured bitch slap The combined pointed tooth head bite paw secured bitch slap But Battle Cats are no match for The Great Escalante! Even with help, they could not help but jump back in fear of my teeth and their awesome pointiness. I looked into the evil one's eyes, and kicked his Bleaker ass. But then the one they call Linnea got involved. She tricked me into the bathtub with promises of easy prey. And then punished me Ahhhh the horror! Human young seem to have more defenses in water than I had predicted. Maybe that's why they left them on display in the lazy river at Waterworld... I think I may have discovered the hidden human plot to destroy The Great Escalante! You will never take me alive!!!!!!!! Click here to rate this post Hum...

My niece singing to her doll.