Skip to main content

Cleaning my wedding dress

gravel in my palms
but not clinging to your corpse
can't be soaked out by anyone's forgettance
no tears will divorce the loss from the gain
no bleach will clear away the stain
the mark that lingers on a calendar
reminders everywhere
but the date is an arbitrary number
not scheduled mourning

Mourning, that surreal watching
a license plate while I drive
its not me driving
I notice as I wait
for numbers and letters to emerge
the 3D image of a magic picture
Will go away if I destroy it
demolish all that steel
straight into a concrete median
crunch it completely
glass in my skin
particles I'll smell for a week

when I wake
the nightmare over,
the calendar not scattered with red circles
death's anniversaries all through the year

I dusted today
but it wasn't your ashes
I scraped away

The windows still streaked
by scars from my scalp
picked by nervous fingers
of someone else

Not someone who could buy you diapers
and change your clothes
but someone who escapes
into pages,
and lives far far away
in a fairy tale gown
veiled and ready
for happily ever after

someone who rids themselves
of traces of mud
bleaches out dirt of that day
insists that time sparkles with sequins
Even if squeezing-eye-tears streak the view

In this version
Grimm edited out the slimy dog bite
there's no hair to help the next day
You build your story the hard way
brick and tears
sweat and mortar
ashes and powdered glass

I notice car shrapnel
embedded in my tree's haunches.
push the red and purple bruises
covering my body
pain vibrant and dull as my skin
awaits the yellowing end to emerge

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Friday Quotes! The GAME

Introducing *drumroll please* Friday Quotes: The Game Apparently people play this game in their heads when they read this anyway so here's your chance to make it interactive. Guess who said each quote. You can post your answers in the comments. The person with the most correct answers gets.... the joy of being right. What? I don't paid for this blog, so you'll have to find self satisfaction wherever you can. Let the Games Begin! 1. "She's so dumb she thinks 'soy milk' is Spanish for 'I am milk'." 2. "Yeah... I didn't sit next to him on spaghetti day." 3. “Its just like when you don’t think about something, you know, and then you think about something.” 4. "What, you're my fucking mom? What, you shat me out of your womb?" 5. “I just had all of this emotion, and it burst forth from my face.” 6. “Chances are if you're reading it and you think its Heath, its probably Heath.” 7. “He drinks whiskey, or Izze, or l...

Friday Quotes!

"You may be unusually energetic today because your key planet Venus received an unexpected wake-up call from electrifying Uranus." "Nationalism does nothing but teach you how to hate people you've never met--all of a sudden you take pride in accomplishments you had no part in whatsoever... " -Doug Stanhope "Drink that, DENVER!" Quiz Results: You are 48% mean "Is the junk yard dog losing her bite?" "Weak!" "F you Karin--your pretty face is going to HELL!" "Yeah it is, I might have had to spit on a homeless person but I got 67%" At the fireworks- "Where would patriotism be without the Chinese?" "The phrase 'I'm not racist but...' should just be replaced with 'I'm racist AND...'" "12 million homeowners and investors will be "underwater"--owing more than their property is worth." "I prefer up-side-down. Makes people sound like they've gone face...

Home birth- The real fuckin deal

So the end of pregnancy is for the fuckin birds. I'm sure plenty of you out there know this. There's nothing to say but that you're sick of being pregnant. You're a little sick of the sweet smiles and knowing looks from strangers. You're just all over sick of it. You're spectacularly sick of the: when's your due date how far are you are you having a boy or a girl I bet you're sick of this what hospital are you going to, conversations. You miss when people used to ask about the soccer game you played or the book you're reading. You're sick of swollen handsfeetfaceneckanklesEVERYTHING. Oh and from the beginning of pregnancy until FRIDAY, I had NO stretch marks. Friday my entire lower abdomen erupted into one. giant. stretch mark. So all weekend, I thought, please let this be over soon. Every cramp I felt I welcomed and thought, "whatever work my body does now, it doesn't have to do during labor." Little did I know how much ...