Wrap your head with this material...

Sometimes I feel awkward.  Like, middle school awkward.  The kind where you just know people can see it.  You bought the slightly off version of what's cool and your underwear's sticking out, or you stared too long until it became weird, or said something that made the world come to a screeching halt and now the whole world knows how odd you are.  How ill-suited for normal company. It doesn't happen a lot anymore.  I live in a place that I'm perfectly suited for and that's partly why.  I'm also good-looking and a lot of leeway comes with looks and age.  But when my friends from home hang out, the middle schooler peaks out of me.  Facebook is the worst for this.  I should really abstain more.  When I lived in St. Louis, I was never part of any group.  I had friends who were drug dealers, and friends from the honor's society.  I had friends who were in college, and friends who were in drama at my school.  I sprawled and ...

ChompSki's had horrendously bad gas lately. Like, what the fuck did that dog eat? Tires, skunks, and bear shit. Has to be. Then he puked it up and ate it and NOW he's farting. I've been joking that he should have the decency to at least finish it off with a vanilla candle chaser. So then Magnus decides to take the advice instead. I catch him in time. He's only licked a little bit of flavory wax off his fingers when I stop him. My house is getting taller and taller by the minute. The high shelves are in demand and getting fuller and more crammed. And damned if I can ever find my beer. I remark on having caught him in time when Rob shares with me not to worry: the candles aren't toxic. He knows from calling poison control. He was wise not to mention this to me. I've turned into some what of a fretter, in a way I'm not especially proud of. I'm afraid I may raise a mama's boy. A short time later, Rob shares how he spent 20 minutes driving a...

Easter weekend was a delightfully slam-packed weekend. We visited friends in Denver. Dyed easter eggs, went to the park, went to IKEA and dinner at Steak N Shake. I went for a run. Went out to a series of bars that included a lot of live music and dancing. I'm a good dancer and kind of a looker when I get gussied up and the light's all dim-like. So I'm a catch, even when I'm already wearing a wedding ring. Apparently. This boy hits on me. Goodlooking kid too. In grad school for aeronautical engineering. I think I even spelled it right. It went over real well when I told him I was a stay-at-home mom. He wandered off, gathered his gumption, and came right back and tried again. He was all nervous too. And did I mention he was the best looking guy at the bar? He was. He apologized and said he just had to tell me I had the most beautiful blue eyes. This was AFTER I told him I was a stay-at-home mom. We'll go ahead and call that a win for me. Then we ca...

I'm a big fan of an escape route. Imaginarily mostly. Its my out- my way of dealing when I get frustrated. In college I was going to quit and become a truck driver. Well, until I started having seizures and stopped being allowed to drive. That was kinda sucky. Today I lost my first piano student before it even started. She just found another teacher closer to her house. Nothing I should take personally. But I'm just about out of patience with not know what the fuck I'm doing. So I took it kinda hard. My escape was to Borneo this time. To be totally honest, I don't even know that I could find Borneo on a map. Well, with some time, I'm sure I could. Pacific somewhere, right? See. Anyway, I told my mom I was quitting life and moving to Borneo and she told me the following: My grandfather was stationed in Borneo. He didn't like it. Said that pigs were very important to the family there. So much so that he'd once seen a human woman nurse a pig. Its...