The nesting has gotten a little out of control. I vacuumed the floor and made a wedding album tonight. I got married 3 years ago. We have framed pictures up in hallways and my husband has mulched the back yard. We are messy, fuck-it kinda people. Which isn't to say we're lazy. We're not. We're just half assed about some things. And more likely to let something slide in favor of having a conversation about anthropology or make sandwiches and go for a hike than finish that big project. But the nesting has hit Rob particularly hard. And my will's a little hidden in the fat folds so I bend to him. And our house is shaping up quite nicely for it. Still, I hope I won't look back and wish we would have just held hands and taken more walks.
"The base area for one of North America's best ski spots, Silverton Mtn. One chairlift, the "lodge" is an army-style tent, the "rental shop" is an old school bus wedged in the snow, and avalanche beacons are required. Suck on that fur coats and martinis."
"If I have to pull up my big girl panties and deal with it one more time the elastic is going to break and I really will have to show my ass!"
"Its groggy with a 70% chance of sleepies this afternoon... I think I just ate the sticker on my fruit"
"So realized all my maternity clothes are black. Clearly being pregnant has made me a ninja." "now that's something i'd like to see, Look Out!! it's the Pregnant Panther!! she'll strangle you with the umbilical cord!!!"
"A long time ago in a galaxy Favre, Favre away."
"The last combat unit left Iraq today. I am officially no longer fighting a war. I'm not sure what I'm fighting, but I'm definitely fighting something." "Its a re-branding dispute. Our culture's dumb sometimes. Or maybe its a cold. You could definitely be fighting a cold." "It's Operation New Dawn. I think we're fighting vampires"
I went to a training the other day about driver safety. I'd be lying if I said part of the reason I'm into a homebirth is how afraid I am of driving and death by vehicle. I detest the idea of putting a few moments old child into a car and driving anywhere. And you know what? I'm right. Statistically, you're more likely to die in a car than a fire. And people buy insurance and have fears of dying in fires and no one bothers them, so I'm perfectly within rational here. Right? Right? RIGHT?
Anyway, there was this lunatic woman in the class who kept talking the whole time. I hate myself when I'm that person. It usually means the pace of the class is WAY too slow for me and I'm tangentially entertaining myself at everyone elses' expense. So if you've ever sat in a training with me where I talked too much, I'm sorry. Although no one's ever actually complained to me because I'm pretty sure I toss in enough smartass/clever/random that people don't get all that annoyed. I read faces ok and I don't see that tense jaw, shut-the-fuck-up-lady look. I usually see intrigue, fascination, concern, confusion, amusement... that sort of thing.
This woman was obsessed with commenting about every single step of the training. And it wasn't that kind of training. It was a here's-the-information training. As in, statistically this is what you should do to drive safer and avoid accidents. But we had to hear her every opinion and stories of her also bitchy daughter throwing someone's cell phone during a fender bender. And she had that nasty attitude of know-it-all meets uber-negative middle aged self-righteous. Awful.
She got us all side tracked talking about how pets need to be restrained in cars and they should have laws requiring pets have seat belts.
I have to say, I get nervous when I see people riding down the highway with a dog in the back of a pickup. I'm not a fan. I've owned a pickup (it was one of the tiny ones you see all over Mexico that barely counts, but technically has a bed.) And I never, EVER put my dogs in it. Unless we were just parked and hanging out. Because they're stupid. And they'll jump out. Even if you have them tied in. Then they'll jump out and hang themselves on their own leashes. Scary.
But having them in seat belts in the car?
She pointed to people whose dogs hang their heads out the window and I just thought, I look into those dogs' eyes and see lightning true happiness. Bliss. Pure pleasure.
But she doesn't. She sees bad parenting. Poor supervision. Danger.
I used to think it was really funny when I was learning to drive to tear around corners because of how my dogs went all ragdoll in the car and fell over themselves if I caught them off guard. I was kind of a jerk then. But whatever, they loved the car. And back then I did too.
BTW, the one useful bit of info that I gleaned from this training was that they no longer recommend judging the distance between you and the next car in car lengths. (that's what I was taught when I was learning to drive and Rob was taught the same so I figure you mighta been too.) Now they say count seconds. Its more reliable than most of us are with sight estimation. So count when the car in front of you passes a post or overpass or whatever and it should be 2-3 seconds before you pass the same thing. That should give you enough stopping distance. If you're into that sort of thing.
I have fat cabbage patch kid feet and look like I swallowed a water buffalo. Its charming really.
Also charming is the fact that I now tear up listening to NPR on the way to work. NPR, people!
Oh and most of the time I'm having a combination of shooting pains and tingling in my hands from my newly found carpal tunnel syndrome. So if my posts are even sparser than usual its because my hands hurt now.
I really like most people. I'm not all "I'm not a people person." I'm an introvert but I like people. I'm friendly and smiley at them. There are 2 exceptions: 1. while driving, I'm a bee-atch. Grouchy as can be. 2. Once I don't like someone, I have a tough kind coming back. I just can't stand anything about them. There's a woman I work with from time to time that I have this problem with. Every time I hear her saying anything I think to myself "know-it-all bitch." It doesn't even matter what she's talking about or if I know the topic. She's finger nails on my whiteboard. Or whatever.
Being an introvert doesn't mean you don't like people. The best description I've heard for it is that if you're an extrovert you get energy from being around people and if you're in an introvert it takes energy. I like it, but it takes energy. Running in the woods by myself gives me energy. I'm having a tough time these days not imagining the lovely things I'll do with my body when I'm "done." I know I'm not likely to do a lot of them because I'll be all covered in baby goo but still, its good to think about taking the baby in the sling and going for a hike. There are plenty of rocks to stop off on and breastfeed. Or take a nap in the sun if we're both tired. I picture an October day where Rob gets home from work and I hand him the baby and take the dog and go for one of those runs in the woods by myself.
I like escape. I like reading and movies and some of that's for the escape. When I get stressed, I plan my get away. I look into plane tickets to Burkina Foso or Madagascar and make sure I know where my passport is and consider what it would take to convince Rob to come. So with pregnancy its picturing the afterwards. It feels like a healthier escape. More just forward looking optimism instead of the I-quit-my-lifes.
But with it raining and having newly gotten carpal tunnel from pregnancy and just being all around ready to be done, the nap calling me feels like a pillowy escape I could just about chuck a cubicle at.
I am afraid of changing lightbulbs. I HATE feet. I hate condiments. Vinegar is disgusting. I check behind the shower curtain of people's houses because I'm the kind of person who would hide there to scare someone. When I was six I went to school with my coat and no shirt on. When I was 10 I didn't brush my hair for 4 months. My favorite errand is going to the library. I will pull things out of the trash to recycle them. I hate country music and jam bands. I have great aim when throwing things even though I can't play an upperbody sport to save my life. I like dark art. I trust scary looking people almost immediately.