"I can spell haz anyway I want, you hear? I haz a master's degree!"
"What’s your space suit for?"
"Protecting me from space, Daddy!"
"Ah, yes. That’s why I have a pressurized loin cloth."
"Daddy, I don’t want to go to space for lunch any more."
"ever get a sleep hangover? like you slept so much you need to sleep it off? That's what afternoons are like with the hum of air conditioning and dull monitors."
"hey at least it does not involve vomit"
"Oh my god, gross. Thanks for the reminder. Really, thanks Donlon. Hey, wanna play cornhole? I promise I'll even let you have a couple points."
"Why do regulars at the 'brary feel the need/think they have the right to call me 'Blondie'? I don't call them 'Baldy' tho maybe I should."
"call them blumpkin. It sounds like a childish term of endearment but its not. Really NOT"
"who's everyone's new favorite racist friend now? This girl."
"oh, my darling Aryan. You jes need a big hug."
"nor do I hold it against you. You can't help being a Theravada Buddhist. Is that yoga for racist?"
"I don't know what it is about accents that make me want to get undressed and high-five myself."
"Please. I fall allthe time. You know who comes and gets me? The bouncer."
"I used to work with a guy who used to say, out loud, "fat old lady fat old lady" whenever a hotchick would get close to him. He told a guy who told a girl who told me that he has "a boner problem like an eighth grader" and he says that so he doesn't get one."