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Karin and Rob were got worried and decided to call in a professional. Or the closest thing they knew to a professional which was Rob's brother, Tom, wait-listed police academy comedian. He was convinced that these were what initially had scared me off: Escalante is afraid of NO Chi chis! Attached or on de counters! For some reason this led Tom to a diner. No joke. Where he though this might have scared me: But it only scared Karin's appetite Tom decided to run some interviews: He asked Mr. Twain a great many serious questions. And got a great many answers. Some were secrets for Tom Some were secrets for Mark With these leads, Tom lead the crew to the culprit. Sergei, AKA Arnold the Armored Armadillo. He had found me at my lowest point and had used my vices to keep me captive. But no fear, Tom, the comedian awaiting training, stood strong. Confident in his weapon. Not his crotch, perv, the slingshot. Si, I know Tom was not well matched for the evils of Russian gun fight...

If yous been wondering, I am hiding. Shhhh.... Rob and Karin took me to Utah and as I got closer to my home, I became very homesick. I missed my wives and my prophet. But then those bendejos turned north and I never got to visit my families. I sought comfort in food But that got me in trouble. Banished, I turned away from the path of righteousness and meat. I drank and sponsored others' as well. The path became unclear and before I knew it, I saw death in every corner. But especially in the upper right hand corner. I found out what it felt like to be upside down in your mortgage... I did things I'm not proud of That was when I decided it was time to go into hiding. To search out the path of righteousness and meat again. To be continued...

Yeah Presents!!! Merry Playing Why yes, yes I am a fantastic wife. Feliz Navidad AND HAPPY SKIING!! (Aren't those the baddest ass, most sexiest skis you've ever SEEN!!!!) Look how bad they want to be on my feet. Yes, I am a snowtard.

When I woke up en la manana I found this news The beloved Animosity Party did not make headlines! Then I fell over in my tracks when I found this "gop" party had. Why would a party that rhymes with cop and sounds like a toddler noise make news when the powerful Animosity Party did not? Did you see all those signs? And not a single Escalante '08! Further incensed I decided to eat in effigy the man who'd defeated me! I realize that I must concede. We must be one nation united under this Obama. We'll be an Obamanation for the next four years, I concede. But I will keep an eye on it. And in four years, when the country again comes together to vote on gay rights and savings accounts for school districts, I will eat the eyeballs of anyone who does not vote Escalante 2012! Good luck Mr. Obama. If the Great Escalante has anything to say about it, there will be an Animated Animosity Annulment to your plans in 2012!

Last weekend while visiting friends, we discovered in the blue 'booklet' (the guide book that comes in the mail for all the ballot initiatives etc.) that there was a list of all the third parties. In addition to the usual Green parties and Libertarians, there was also the Heartquake 08 party. WTF? This led us to designing our own parites. The first party to gain notariety (its already got members on Facebook which makes it legit right?) is the Awareness party . We debated the merrits of various mascots. The owl? Nah, too Hooters. We finally settled on the Marmot. Although I thought the Gopher from this video might have been better, at least more dramatic. Then we came up with slogans. "For a better Aware-ica." "Becoming more Aware-ica." "Building Aware-ica." The problem is that a political party is no fun without a rival party. So what is the rival to the Awareness party? The Intuition Party. It was difficult to choose a mascot for thi...

After I passed the test of the one called Linnea's: "Tumbling Class," I dedicated the rest of my captivity at the Mitchell/Johnson household to learning about their forms of entertainment. El Tobagan Gigante! The Teeter Toddler I was disappointed to find this does not have anything to do with toppling a Toddler. Que Lastima! Never would I have believed a tiny 'girl' would get away with pushing the Great Escalante, but it was muy Fun! Me gusta talking basura (trash) on XBox And my FAVORITE, the BASS! The Pointiness of the Great Escalante's Teeth triumph again!

Karin tried to call it a hiatus, but I was kidnapped by the one they call Linnea. She forced me through a set of trials she called "tumbling class." First she made me walk the plank Once I got the hang of it, I really liked it. She tried to get me down though, so I bit her. Then she made me watch from the sidelines while she jumped on the trampoline. Then I discovered pinche Esteban from bendejoslandia. You did not doubt the great pointiness of the Great Escalante's teeth in battle did you? I triumphed and became the lord of the rings I rode the Pommel Horse off into the Sunset

I spent some time with the great Battle Cats Juno and Bleaker on Friday. Yes they look cute and cuddly, but I watched and saw the truth from those bendejos. They have moves. Like the thumbless headlock The pointed tooth head bite The paw secured bitch slap The combined pointed tooth head bite paw secured bitch slap But Battle Cats are no match for The Great Escalante! Even with help, they could not help but jump back in fear of my teeth and their awesome pointiness. I looked into the evil one's eyes, and kicked his Bleaker ass. But then the one they call Linnea got involved. She tricked me into the bathtub with promises of easy prey. And then punished me Ahhhh the horror! Human young seem to have more defenses in water than I had predicted. Maybe that's why they left them on display in the lazy river at Waterworld... I think I may have discovered the hidden human plot to destroy The Great Escalante! You will never take me alive!!!!!!!! Click here to rate this post Hum...