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Karin Mitchell's books on Goodreads
Between Families Between Families
reviews: 5
ratings: 8 (avg rating 4.75)

Friday, June 26, 2009

Friday Quotes!

"On the dying front-I'm down to 3% functioning. Fuck You God, I just got a new iPhone, kiss my ass, I'm not going anywhere."

"So bright this time of night."

"My sister tried to dress me up in a slutty outfit and get me to wear a cross on top of it."
"Crosses are not sunscreen for sluts. You can't just slap a cross on a slut costume and call it good."

"I want to invent a cross that when you put it on it goes 'tsssssst' and glows red."

"That's a GIRL? I think I"m gonna need to see some vaginal confirmation on that."

"Question: how many fools has MR T. pitied thus far in his long and fruitful career?"

"One time he farted an entire plum"

"If the delivery man has a package, does it matter what kind of uniform he's wearing?"

"Feeling rough?"
"Well, I knocked over a guy and then found out he was an amputee. Wait, are you limping?"
"Yeah, I lost at keg olympics last night."

"Q: How many hippies does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
"A: None. They wait for it to burn out and then follow it around for thirty years."

"I think Karin's the long horn sheep expert in this family."
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Why do girls wear makeup and perfume?"
"Cuz they're ugly and they smell funny."


FB status updates
"I want ice cream. now."
"Grass is green. The sky is blue. Obama is president."
"I want a monkey. Whats your point?"

"G is a little teapot, tall and slender."
"This is my handle, this is my blender"
"Tip me over cuz I'm on a bender"


Audience Participation Quote

"Like, if god had a burning bush close by, he'd of said __________________"

Saturday, June 20, 2009

My cute Mexican cousin's husband and how Mickey's never inviting me anywhere again

This is too crazy/me-being-stupid a story not to tell.

I was in a crazy good mood yesterday. I wanted to play in the sun all day and drink and make friends and cause trouble and and and...

I did.

I went with a coworker to the Frisco BBQ where we met up with another coworker, Mickey. There, I drank way too much. I was in such a good mood that I didn't notice that I drank way too much. So, when my coworker, Mickey, invited my husband and I to go to a party afterwards I thought it would be a good idea not only to go, but to buy more alcohol before going. Keep in mind that I haven't really started any trouble yet.

Soooo, we go to some friends of Mickey's where I feel the itch to start trouble. Rob's downstairs being talked into a motorcycle, which I also think is a good idea. I tell him we should spend our down payment money on the motor cycle instead of buying a house.

Mickey tells me this is a bad idea and I head upstairs. NOW, what I think is a good idea is rocking people's kitchen stools stealthy like. So I grab the bottom rung of this guy's stool and tug a little. He doesn't seem to notice. Neither does anyone else.

So I do it again. But I'm too drunk so I actually pull it out from under him.

He totally falls on the ground. This I don't like. I feel bad. He laughs though and so does his wife.

Fast forward a few minutes to when he lifts his pant leg to show me his prosthetic leg. Now I really feel bad. I bring up to him what an asshole I am for knocking him over, but he doesn't mind. Also, his wife thinks its hilarious. Did I mention that I asked her to be my cute Mexican cousin? (Seriously, she was adorable. I really do want her to be my cute Mexican cousin. She said yes, and so I'm holding her to it.)

So then My Cute Mexican Cousin's husband tells me the story of how he lost his leg. Its long. The story, I mean. Cuz he's wasted too. But I definitely owe him listening to the crazy story of how he lost his leg.

Long story short, he was shop lifting at a liquor store where he normally didn't shop lift. (As a teenager, he apparently shop lifted liquor and was quite proud that he was known for it and still is proud to this day.) He got caught and ran. Some guy chased him down with his car and ran him over. Yes, some crazy asshole, like bigger asshole than me, chased a teenager with his CAR and hit him. CRAZY!

Crazy like if god had a burning bush close by, he'd a been all "Dang that shit's crazy!"

I don't remember much after that except we walked home and I remember bits and pieces of having outstanding sex.

So that's the story of "My cute Mexican cousin's husband and how Mickey's never inviting me anywhere again"

Now I'm going to try and run so I can sweat out some of this before I die.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Friday Quotes!

"drink several beers while you're on call. Then brush your teeth with whiskey"

"I want to start a band called "Fuck you _______." It'll be a Christian rock band, of course. "

"Wondering if a mandate of Dirty Thirty should be mud wrestling"
"Knowing me, I'd break a bone and everyone'd hear it and be all grossed out and then my wound would be infected cuz I'd be in MUD. I have terrible ideas sometimes."
"that's why you wrestle in chocolate sauce instead of mud, but what would I know, I don't do stuff like that ;)"
"I think its a different kind of dirty... the kind that doesnt wash off"
"I think my party just got WAY more interesting either way!!!"
"You know how to use trashbags and a hose."


"Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim."

(Vicki Harrison)





Special Flag Day Quotes

"Holy Shit!!!"
"UH-UH...Unholy Shit!"

"Take that you funt! How do you like that contracter?"
"I held back on the green penis."
"The greenis?"

"Who gave Michael J. Fox the camera?!?!"

"Croc-a-gina!"

"She looks like a Shar-Pei puppy when she takes her clothes off."

"Why do you hate Ron Jeremy so much?"
"Why do you tickle his balls so much?"

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Wednesday's Weirdos': Pectosexual

One of the things I was most anxious to do in New York was to people watch. I looooveee to people watch, and the weirder the better. I fantasized about people wearing purple latex masks and vacuum cleaner hose skirts. I also excitedly awaited the strange things people might say or do. But I also appreciate the subtlely weird. You know, the strange utterances and clothing choices you had to pay more attention to notice.

I was rewarded when walking down the street one night, I noticed a very obviously gay couple walking down the street. One of the men was strikingly good looking and worked at it. And by that, I mean worked out a lot and had an unbelievable body and a swagger to go with it.

So I was tickled to notice his stereotypical, tight, black t-shirt had a twist. Its v-neck led to...Cleavage.

Yup. Cleavage.

Pectoral Cleavage.

Making him this Week's Wednesdays' Weirdo: Pectosexual

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Team Poetry- "Dying in Parts"

I wrote an original rough draft of the poem below, then got extremely frustrated trying to edit it. I decided it would be fun to ask my friend Gina to edit it since it had some portions I really liked but was sick of it and it kept looking at me and saying "Fix me. Make me cool." I got mad, gave up, and emailed her.

She countered with a proposal: We both edit it and post our versions at the same time. I liked the idea and agreed. Oh, and I'm bad at saying no to people I really like and respect.

So check hers out too. She's the nicest, edgy, smokin hot, badass Librarian you ever did meet. Plus her blog is awesome. GRRB
She's also always on the Blog List on the right hand side of my blog. Hers is called "If it were up to me..."

Also feel free to steal a part and write your own version. Only rule is you have to link to mine and Gina's sites if you post your own.


Dying in Parts

"You're disappearing"
Her mother scowls, creases deepening.
Really? With all the space,
her hunger takes up?
in her bed, with her marriage
it surrounds her whenever he tries
to caress her stomach
once full of happiness
eating such a joy
before her body failed her
some days she can eat
doesn't that count?
apparently not high enough
her doctor tells her she could die
her organs are failing
nails tearing
leaves withering
hair falling out
but maybe she's deciduous
dying in parts
inside, waiting for a better season
to feast on nutrients
pouring her way
a better time
to green and bloom
her trunk's still strong
even if bark flakes off

"You're disappearing!
Just look at your arms:
nothing but skin and bones."
But how busy her arms are!
holding the image of first death
her piano
notes staccato on her tongue

remember the day it fell?
down the balcony
when they were moving into their first house
the sound rang in her ribs
and her hallways
The space that sound took up!
She tried stringing a banjo
with the strings
she should've wound around her neck
but they were too thick

just like the root beer
she tried to eat
I mean eat
She lifted the bottle to her mouth
eyed the brown glass
and bit the neck
right through
and the shards
squeaked against her teeth
blood from her gums
stung sonatas in her mouth
tasting so much space
and time
and memory
where she now spent her time
She swallowed
Did they tell you?
The scar tissue wound round her mind

She begged him to photograph her
nude across the remains
of her childhood love
the black and white keys
that sent her crisp meaning
to a weary heart
but he didn't hear

so she pictured herself
How much space that picture took up!
in her mind
sprawled across wood shards
and felt-covered hammers
her hair splayed across her breast
her legs reaching for pedals
that no longer dampen
or lengthen
the sound of her thoughts
I guess that's what its like
dying in parts

Monday, June 15, 2009

Escalante's in hiding... shhhh Part II

Karin and Rob were got worried and decided to call in a professional.

Or the closest thing they knew to a professional which was Rob's brother, Tom, wait-listed police academy comedian.

He was convinced that these were what initially had scared me off:

012

Escalante is afraid of NO Chi chis! Attached or on de counters!

For some reason this led Tom to a diner. No joke. Where he though this might have scared me:

032

But it only scared Karin's appetite

033

Tom decided to run some interviews:

035

He asked Mr. Twain a great many serious questions.

034

And got a great many answers. Some were secrets for Tom

037

Some were secrets for Mark

038

With these leads, Tom lead the crew to the culprit.

Sergei

Sergei, AKA Arnold the Armored Armadillo. He had found me at my lowest point and had used my vices to keep me captive. But no fear, Tom, the comedian awaiting training, stood strong.

Tom's got it under control

Confident in his weapon.

043

Not his crotch, perv, the slingshot. Si, I know Tom was not well matched for the evils of Russian gun fighting with Sergei, AKA Arnold, but you have heard of David and Goliath, no?

Well, Tom won out in the end. And I am back just in time to watch skiings with Karin and Rob. They're taking me to the premier of The Daily Slay tonight.

Tom has gone back to a place they call St. Louis. I plan to visit him and bring him cheap Tequila. Then I will steal his weapon and use it in my revenge against Sergei, AKA Arnold. I will make him pay for what he did to The Great Escalante! (and I don't mean in roubles.)

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Escalante's in hiding... shhhh Part I

If yous been wondering, I am hiding. Shhhh....

Rob and Karin took me to Utah and as I got closer to my home, I became very homesick. I missed my wives and my prophet. But then those bendejos turned north and I never got to visit my families.

I sought comfort in food

Escalante & raw meat

But that got me in trouble.

Banished, I turned away from the path of righteousness and meat.

escalante in the drinks

I drank and sponsored others' as well.

The path became unclear and before I knew it, I saw death in every corner.

escalante in the drinks

But especially in the upper right hand corner.

I found out what it felt like to be upside down in your mortgage...

Escalante takes a shot

I did things I'm not proud of

Escalante's Utah Shades

That was when I decided it was time to go into hiding. To search out the path of righteousness and meat again.

To be continued...

Friday, June 12, 2009

ColoRAD-Hoes!

This was my brother-in-law's "thank you" freestyle rap note to Rob after his awesome fun visit with us last week. He posted it on FB which I think makes it fine for me to then repost on my blog:


"Denver City Pati-hoes on patios sippin libations, Arapa-hoes straight chillin in Arapaho basins.

Frisc-hoes at the Frisco-tek, brecken bitches suckin on my neck.

Summit county breasts of bounty jigglein, hitten moguls, chase'n hot-sexy A-basin slope-locals.

Mountain mamas daughters,firm mountain climbin quads, a Silver thorn in my side hot mountain bitches bods.

I must note,that steamboat has some sweet little things,you can smell the sexy cookin up at strawberry springs.

Royal Moutian view, aquatic bitches sailin lake Dillon,,,the hoes that i saw at the Moose Jaw, near fucken blew out the cellin

Hoes be sad i couldn't stay, but i got no regrets, OK just one,while i had fun i never got to have sex.

Get them summer-thighs-winterized-best-recognize boyieeeeeeeeee!"

Friday Quotes!

"I want nachos. More than I want a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. WAY more."

"I just don't like to watch sex abuse in the dark."

"Yeah, but did you see how you did it? I think you oculd easily become a bobblehead."

"Sustainability is for hippies and other free loaders. I'm going to pour motor oil on my lawn now."

"I hate myspace it won't even let you post a link. bitches. visit me on facebook, twitter, or my blog which is sillyswedishskier.blogspot.com"
"jesus christ. you twitter? are you serious."
"I am an interwebulous slut"

"I had a boyfriend who did the gas at a rave and passed out at the cops' feet. In high school I picked 'winners'."

"The way they get in is through the anus."

"Ass eatin' people are beyond my fuckin' understanding."


This one got torn so you feel free to finish the quote:
"Two eyeballs and an asshole. Well, you had a _____________"

Friday, June 5, 2009

Friday Quotes!

"Just came to give you your uh, lady friend's, uh, urine."

"If I were gay, I'd key your car and egg your face. Cos I'm so allegedly tolerant. And gay. And MAD!!!"

"2 people found my blog by searching for "I lost my boner." What? I don't write about losing boners. I never lose them."

"I'm going to a peace rally, then Shakespeare in the Park. Then I'm going to write a nature essay on bluebirds and watch a French film whilst drinking Guwerztraminer.

Just kidding. I'm going to do M"

"The longer it is, the more bang for the buck. In other words, you get more out of each stroke when its bigger."
-My mom on buying guess what?

"Imagine Marlene Matlin singing 'Be Our Guest' (from Beauty & the Beast) only instead of 'Be Our Guest' she singing 'What the Fuck'"
*sings* "Wwwwhat the fyuck? what the fuck! what the fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck fuck"