Skip to main content

Friday Quotes!

"On the dying front-I'm down to 3% functioning. Fuck You God, I just got a new iPhone, kiss my ass, I'm not going anywhere."

"So bright this time of night."

"My sister tried to dress me up in a slutty outfit and get me to wear a cross on top of it."
"Crosses are not sunscreen for sluts. You can't just slap a cross on a slut costume and call it good."

"I want to invent a cross that when you put it on it goes 'tsssssst' and glows red."

"That's a GIRL? I think I"m gonna need to see some vaginal confirmation on that."

"Question: how many fools has MR T. pitied thus far in his long and fruitful career?"

"One time he farted an entire plum"

"If the delivery man has a package, does it matter what kind of uniform he's wearing?"

"Feeling rough?"
"Well, I knocked over a guy and then found out he was an amputee. Wait, are you limping?"
"Yeah, I lost at keg olympics last night."

"Q: How many hippies does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
"A: None. They wait for it to burn out and then follow it around for thirty years."

"I think Karin's the long horn sheep expert in this family."
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Why do girls wear makeup and perfume?"
"Cuz they're ugly and they smell funny."


FB status updates
"I want ice cream. now."
"Grass is green. The sky is blue. Obama is president."
"I want a monkey. Whats your point?"

"G is a little teapot, tall and slender."
"This is my handle, this is my blender"
"Tip me over cuz I'm on a bender"


Audience Participation Quote

"Like, if god had a burning bush close by, he'd of said __________________"
Labels:

Comments

  1. dollginaJune 26, 2009 at 8:46 AM

    he'd of said awful". Wheeeeeeee!!!!

    PS Lovelovelove the slut/cross one.

    ReplyDelete
  2. LoraJune 26, 2009 at 9:08 AM

    vaginal confirmation! ha!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Your BrotherJune 26, 2009 at 9:15 AM

    Like, if god had a burning bush close by, he'd of said let's make s'mores!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Street Meat ManJune 26, 2009 at 11:48 AM

    he'd have said, "Honey, they have creams for that kind of itching."

    ReplyDelete
  5. Karin MitchellJune 26, 2009 at 9:34 PM

    I LOVE audience participation quotes! Thanks for playing!!! They might become a post of their own at some point so keep posting!

    ReplyDelete
  6. JudithJune 30, 2009 at 7:22 PM

    Damn, I missed the pectosexual and I loved that bush.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Karin MitchellJuly 1, 2009 at 3:43 PM

    whatchyou mean you missed pectosexual? Its still there, no? I like the burning bush too, its my new favorite to use in conversation.

    ReplyDelete
  8. JudithJuly 1, 2009 at 10:51 PM

    Like, if god had a burning bush close by, he'd of said...

    "Damn, I missed the pectosexual and I loved that bush"

    meaning that God meant to light the man-cleavage on fire and zapped the bush by accident.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dear Book Pimp

So I wrote this book and I think it's pretty decent. That's the feedback I'm getting anyway, which is bitchin' really since I have a degree in Education, NOT writing. Plus, this is my first try, so really I should be happy, right? But, turns out writing the book is maybe the easy part. The publishing is another story. You have to find a Literary Agent. To do this, you have to write a 1-3 page letter to many literary agents to convince them to read a sample chapter. Send it with a Self addressed stamped envelope (SASE) and wait. there's more but I'm already experiencing a high level anxiety just writing about this part. In my letter, I'm supposed to explain who I am, what my book's about, why I'm qualified to write it, why its sicky illy good, who'll read it, and on and on. AHHHHHhhhhh! This shit scares me. Also, I'm supposed to be witty, clever, literary, and junk. Oh and explain a 300 page book in a sales pitch. I'm not a frea...
10 comments
Read more

Home birth- The real fuckin deal

So the end of pregnancy is for the fuckin birds. I'm sure plenty of you out there know this. There's nothing to say but that you're sick of being pregnant. You're a little sick of the sweet smiles and knowing looks from strangers. You're just all over sick of it. You're spectacularly sick of the: when's your due date how far are you are you having a boy or a girl I bet you're sick of this what hospital are you going to, conversations. You miss when people used to ask about the soccer game you played or the book you're reading. You're sick of swollen handsfeetfaceneckanklesEVERYTHING. Oh and from the beginning of pregnancy until FRIDAY, I had NO stretch marks. Friday my entire lower abdomen erupted into one. giant. stretch mark. So all weekend, I thought, please let this be over soon. Every cramp I felt I welcomed and thought, "whatever work my body does now, it doesn't have to do during labor." Little did I know how much ...
12 comments
Read more

Having Babies at Home

My whole life, I've heard the story of my cousin Anna's birth. And her sister's too. But I hear more about Anna's. My aunt didn't exactly have a lot of love for the medical profession. And her first baby had been a horrible experience. She'd had him wrenched from her at least as much as she "gave him up" for adoption by nursing staff who leered at her and called her unpleasant names. And she loved him when he was born. And she found him when he turned 18 and loved him till the day she died. When she had kids for keeps, she did it differently. She read books and assigned duties and had them at home. She was brave and surely faced many people who disagreed with her decision. But she stuck by her convictions and her desire for a natural birth and won 2 beautiful girls. My mom was there when Anna was born. So was her sister, Kristina. They both still get this sparkle in their eyes whenever they talk about it. My mom says it was one of the most ...
9 comments
Read more