Skip to main content

Past tense

I work with this really kickass lawyer. She's been all crazy over this guy lately. He worked for probation. Past tense. Did you see it?

Over the weekend he killed himself. Enter past tense, the unwelcome jerk. And I feel soooo terrible. And guilty. Because I tried it to. I talked about it a little in this post. Try #17 and on. That's where I talk about it. A little.

And now when someone kills themselves, I feel guilty. Like what I did when I was 17 somehow makes me responsible for everyone who ever does it. Like because I tried it, I should know how to fix it.

But there are tons of recovering drug addicts that can't tell you how to get sober. There are great thinkers that can't explain their ideas. And the fact is, no one can explain suicide.
Labels:

Comments

  1. JudithJanuary 19, 2010 at 8:50 PM

    This reminds me of Night Falls Fast, Jamison and her let's-tell-each-other-if-we-get-that-bad pact with her friend.

    And I agree with you that explanations fall short. There are words that one can say: a great sadness, unable to cope, but loss begets loss, really.

    ReplyDelete
  2. JudithJanuary 19, 2010 at 8:51 PM

    p.s. I'm glad you're here.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousJanuary 20, 2010 at 5:30 AM

    My sincerest sympathy to your coworker, the 'kickass lawyer.'

    ReplyDelete
  4. Karin MitchellJanuary 20, 2010 at 7:41 AM

    Thanks. Me too. It seems like it was someone else that did that. I can't imagine what would ever make me do a thing like that now. But as a teenager, you don't have as good of an ability to see as far into the future. You don't have the experience that says ups and downs aren't forever. And as much as it feels like a stranger did that, I also get really affected by talks of suicide now.

    ReplyDelete
  5. LoraJanuary 20, 2010 at 8:21 AM

    I'm really glad you're here too. You make my life better.

    Also, on Monday in Improv, someone said something and in the "game" I had to say "I used to have a Kare(i)n too, but now I think she might be gone" and a horrid pang went through my heart and if I had your phone number I would have called you directly because it shook me that much.

    So there's that.

    I love you so much, I panicked at the thought.

    And wait! Why are you picking up the phone? Are you calling the police on me?

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousJanuary 20, 2010 at 8:38 PM

    Even though no one can explain suicide, somehow,...you just did.
    Thanks for failing at something you were never suppose to succeed in.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dear Book Pimp

So I wrote this book and I think it's pretty decent. That's the feedback I'm getting anyway, which is bitchin' really since I have a degree in Education, NOT writing. Plus, this is my first try, so really I should be happy, right? But, turns out writing the book is maybe the easy part. The publishing is another story. You have to find a Literary Agent. To do this, you have to write a 1-3 page letter to many literary agents to convince them to read a sample chapter. Send it with a Self addressed stamped envelope (SASE) and wait. there's more but I'm already experiencing a high level anxiety just writing about this part. In my letter, I'm supposed to explain who I am, what my book's about, why I'm qualified to write it, why its sicky illy good, who'll read it, and on and on. AHHHHHhhhhh! This shit scares me. Also, I'm supposed to be witty, clever, literary, and junk. Oh and explain a 300 page book in a sales pitch. I'm not a frea...
10 comments
Read more

Home birth- The real fuckin deal

So the end of pregnancy is for the fuckin birds. I'm sure plenty of you out there know this. There's nothing to say but that you're sick of being pregnant. You're a little sick of the sweet smiles and knowing looks from strangers. You're just all over sick of it. You're spectacularly sick of the: when's your due date how far are you are you having a boy or a girl I bet you're sick of this what hospital are you going to, conversations. You miss when people used to ask about the soccer game you played or the book you're reading. You're sick of swollen handsfeetfaceneckanklesEVERYTHING. Oh and from the beginning of pregnancy until FRIDAY, I had NO stretch marks. Friday my entire lower abdomen erupted into one. giant. stretch mark. So all weekend, I thought, please let this be over soon. Every cramp I felt I welcomed and thought, "whatever work my body does now, it doesn't have to do during labor." Little did I know how much ...
12 comments
Read more

Having Babies at Home

My whole life, I've heard the story of my cousin Anna's birth. And her sister's too. But I hear more about Anna's. My aunt didn't exactly have a lot of love for the medical profession. And her first baby had been a horrible experience. She'd had him wrenched from her at least as much as she "gave him up" for adoption by nursing staff who leered at her and called her unpleasant names. And she loved him when he was born. And she found him when he turned 18 and loved him till the day she died. When she had kids for keeps, she did it differently. She read books and assigned duties and had them at home. She was brave and surely faced many people who disagreed with her decision. But she stuck by her convictions and her desire for a natural birth and won 2 beautiful girls. My mom was there when Anna was born. So was her sister, Kristina. They both still get this sparkle in their eyes whenever they talk about it. My mom says it was one of the most ...
9 comments
Read more