"Just came to give you your uh, lady friend's, uh, urine."
"If I were gay, I'd key your car and egg your face. Cos I'm so allegedly tolerant. And gay. And MAD!!!"
"2 people found my blog by searching for "I lost my boner." What? I don't write about losing boners. I never lose them."
"I'm going to a peace rally, then Shakespeare in the Park. Then I'm going to write a nature essay on bluebirds and watch a French film whilst drinking Guwerztraminer.
Just kidding. I'm going to do M"
"The longer it is, the more bang for the buck. In other words, you get more out of each stroke when its bigger."
-My mom on buying guess what?
"Imagine Marlene Matlin singing 'Be Our Guest' (from Beauty & the Beast) only instead of 'Be Our Guest' she singing 'What the Fuck'"
*sings* "Wwwwhat the fyuck? what the fuck! what the fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck fuck"