"drink several beers while you're on call. Then brush your teeth with whiskey"
"I want to start a band called "Fuck you _______." It'll be a Christian rock band, of course. "
"Wondering if a mandate of Dirty Thirty should be mud wrestling"
"Knowing me, I'd break a bone and everyone'd hear it and be all grossed out and then my wound would be infected cuz I'd be in MUD. I have terrible ideas sometimes."
"that's why you wrestle in chocolate sauce instead of mud, but what would I know, I don't do stuff like that ;)"
"I think its a different kind of dirty... the kind that doesnt wash off"
"I think my party just got WAY more interesting either way!!!"
"You know how to use trashbags and a hose."
"Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim."
Special Flag Day Quotes
"Take that you funt! How do you like that contracter?"
"I held back on the green penis."
"Who gave Michael J. Fox the camera?!?!"
"She looks like a Shar-Pei puppy when she takes her clothes off."
"Why do you hate Ron Jeremy so much?"
"Why do you tickle his balls so much?"