So when my brother was in high school he and a friend wondered aloud about Flag day, a day marked only in name on the calendar, celebrated by none. Unless...
So they started celebrating Flag Day by eating burritos, drinking beer, and most importantly watching B movies. Over the years they have honed their flag-day-movie-detection-skills. And this year, well... *tears* it was so special.
Matthew prepared my niece Linnea well.
Matt "What does a doggie say?"
Linnea "Woof"
Matt "What does a lion say?"
Linnea "Roar"
Matt "What does a gramma say?"
Linnea "Yes"
Matt "What does a Buddhist say?"
Linnea "Namaste"
Matt "What does a zombie say?"
Linnea "Brains"
Excellent! But don't worry, she spent the day with a far safer, less gore-obsessed person, her mom.
In addition to preparing Linnea for the event, he prepared the man-basement. He added an extra couch and a new flat screen tv. Foss brough Bacorn, a tastastic invention which is possibly the reason why men in their late twenties who eat a diet of nearly entirely meat are still capable of shitting. It consists of corn-on-the-cob wrapped in bacon and grilled. And we settled in to watch the bloodbath.
Here was the lineup
1. Shredders- terrible movie about snowboarders chased by a murderer obsessed with the skier code.
Guy with accent says something not worth listening to while audience in the man-basement make gutteral noises,
Horror-movie-stereotype-girl "Oh, what country are you from?"
Guy with more pronounced accent "I am from Europe."
Best part was in the first three minutes when a guy cruising on his snowboard got beheaded by a trip wire, complete with squirty blood.
2. Rabid Grannies
Too stoned to remember much and left notes somewhere... hmm?
Audience quote, in cross dressing granny voice, "I'm going to gut you like a trout and eat your eggs."
3. Uh oh, more stoned. What the hell happened for the rest of the day?
Ok, I got it.
#3 was Cheerleader Ninjas. Very promising title, but without much in the way of delivery. Consisted of two groups of girls having fight scenes that much resembled that PBS show Power Rangers.
Best quote involved the principal, a woman of late child bearing age who comes about the cheerleaders when, from the background is heard... "wahhh... wahhhhh"
cheerleader asks "What was that?"
"My uterus."
4. Student Bodies. A Flag Day classic. If you have not seen this movie... take the time.
5. By far best of the day... Machine girl. Japanese dubbed movie with two girls who go on a bloodngore ridden rampage. In this movie, the one girl gets stuck to the wall by multiple projectiles on multiple occasions. There was much spraying of fake blood. When she loses her arm, she replaces it with a chain saw... MUCH MORE spraying of fake blood.
Best interjected quote during the movie was after one character died
"Now who will I play Dance, Dance Revolution with?"
Runner up
"Yes, that looks like a Bodyworlds exhibit."
How oh, how will we top this Flag Day?
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