Wrap your head with this material...

If you take a walk on a college campus, do it on a Saturday in June. It's a ghost town then. Students tucked in, no more dressing in stockings to head down to the Student Union for breakfast, with hair fresh out of rollers, the crick not yet worked out. Graduation has moved online. You wear a cap and gown at midnight and Skype in from Greece and Thailand, or work's bathroom if you transferred in from community college. So go to a college campus on a Saturday in June. Sit in a carefully landscaped courtyard, where your thoughts can settle like the dust on a bookshelf far from the honeysuckle smells of the countryside which are souring now, fermenting, dying. Where cottontopped folks sit in rockers and used to give uninterrupted advice, whether it was 140 characters or *gasp* more. In the courtyard, you'll find, along with your dusty thoughts, a concrete fountain turned off and a piano in waiting. Chiseled in the concrete, evidence of the past in block letters...

I've been reading crap I shouldn't read. I shouldn't read it because it clouds my head with bad writing but I miss reading so bad reading is what happens. I can't read books when I'm writing. I can't hear my own voice well enough when I'm listening to someone else's. I read this article I won't cite here because it's not worth you reading it really either. It's a nice idea, I guess. It's a set of photos of moms sitting next to each other. The photos each contain two women each holding a sign that says what two divergent choices they've made as moms. "I had a scheduled c-section. I had a planned homebirth." The idea, of course, being that two women who have made very different choices can find common ground and be friends. And the reason I take offense is NO FUCKING DUH. Of course two women can make different choices and still be friends. We're grown ASS WOMEN. Don't insult us like that. The premise is this...

I'm thinking a lot about giving birth last year since it was a year ago tomorrow that I had Gavin. Here's what I have to say: His birth was such a great experience that it made me understand why people video tape birth. I would watch it again. It was amazing to not know he was coming, be trying not to push, and suddenly have it be over and have this squishy beauty in my arms who latched on for all he was worth. Gavin is the sweetest soul I have ever been attached to. He burrowed in and held tight and I adore him the softest parts of my soul like ... nothing else. Giving birth both times is the closest I've ever felt to Rob. When things are tough, we work things out together. He helps me breathe and focus and I'm so glad I'm parenting with him. We have been through the ringer with him lately. He has a reflux disorder that impacts his kidneys and so we've spent the last 2 weeks dealing with major surgery for him. Much like in giving birth, the support you ...