Wrap your head with this material...

Things I'm snotty about: - using a picture of your kid or your dog or your cat as an avatar. I want to see a picture of you. Sometimes it helps me know who the hell is talking online. I like pictures of other things and I look at them. In albums. - posting annoying status updates. Writing a status update in all caps never SOLVED ANY CAUSE. ever. There's no one who no longer has cancer and no animal with a new home with updated vaccines because you changed your picture to a cartoon and wrote about it on FB. If you want to help, find an organization/child/pet and donate time and money. And I mean both. - trends. I tend to like them for 10 minutes but as soon as I see them happening over and over, I hate whatever it is. See snuggies, when fiction writer's main character is a writer, smartphones, blog awards, robot vocals, etc. - Twilight. I'm sure its very addictive or whatever. I just think you should be ashamed of your addictions. (see also Grey's Anatomy. I am asham...

"yeah, let's hope i can haul my sorry hernia crotch to the house" "Anyone have an old punching bag, or a sibling with no nerve endings, that I could borrow?" "You know its a good tights day when one person says, "Nice stockings?" and another says "Your legs are weird. They make my eyes feel funny." "Dear school bus full of black kids, I play basketball for the exercise. Stop laughing." "If I ever saw an amputee get hanged, I'd just start yelling out letters."

"I'm growing up. You'd be so impressed. Today, I gave a presentation in which I said the word "invaginated" like 5 times without cracking up once." "That's funny. For some reason I've been seeing the word "vaginismus" a lot lately and every time I do, I wish it was spelled "vaginisthmus." It could be next to the cape of good hope." "Reach for the stars, M!" "Yeah, the porn stars." "Dear tattoo artists, Its perfectly ok to respond with, "No, cause that will look fucking stupid!" Love,...Eyeballs" "turns out John Wayne is a real live person, and not a character played by Clint Eastwood. stay tuned for other things I learn today by watching television but couldn't care less about." "If, while flipping through channels I see three or more movies starring the same actor, I immediately assume said actor is dead." "Just waited on a woman who smelled like smoky...