Friday Quotes

"I'm growing up. You'd be so impressed. Today, I gave a presentation in which I said the word "invaginated" like 5 times without cracking up once."

"That's funny. For some reason I've been seeing the word "vaginismus" a lot lately and every time I do, I wish it was spelled "vaginisthmus." It could be next to the cape of good hope."



"Reach for the stars, M!"
"Yeah, the porn stars."


"Dear tattoo artists,
Its perfectly ok to respond with, "No, cause that will look fucking stupid!"
Love,...Eyeballs"

"turns out John Wayne is a real live person, and not a character played by Clint Eastwood. stay tuned for other things I learn today by watching television but couldn't care less about."

"If, while flipping through channels I see three or more movies starring the same actor, I immediately assume said actor is dead."

"Just waited on a woman who smelled like smoky pickles. I almost offered her some body wash."

"Sign your hair is too long: it gets caught on a door handle on the way out of a restaurant."

"Oooh.. you've got a new coat and it has MAGNETS! I love it!!!"
"Yeah, except sometimes walking out of a restaurant the other day, they caught on the door."

"You know, if I were a professional fighter, I would not want an advertisement for condoms printed across the back of my shorts. That is not the impression I would wish to give."
"What's wrong with fighting for safe sex? You gotta have a cause, a reason to get out in that ring."
"Apparently its to beat up STDs."
"...And in this corn-Ah! Wearing the red and white Tampax trunks: B "The Flow" Gibson!!!Or if you want to keep the Planned Parenthood message you could go with Twinkies....Wait no, their cream filled."
"maybe he's straight with "complications""