"yeah, let's hope i can haul my sorry hernia crotch to the house"
"Anyone have an old punching bag, or a sibling with no nerve endings, that I could borrow?"
"You know its a good tights day when one person says, "Nice stockings?" and another says "Your legs are weird. They make my eyes feel funny."
"Dear school bus full of black kids, I play basketball for the exercise. Stop laughing."
"If I ever saw an amputee get hanged, I'd just start yelling out letters."