When you were a kid, did you know a number of stupid boys in your neighborhood that would always try to get you to eat odd things? Like mud and glue and god-knows-what that they came from inside their houses with?
I did. I never had any desire to taste grass or to drink mountain dew milk with chocolate sauce and ketchup. I couldn't be persuaded to swallow a worm whole no matter whose allowance was on the line.
So I find it funny that as an adult, all it takes is these 2 tiny, sweet little midwives to tell me to drink a tincture of skullcap and I do it. What if they're not really midwives? Maybe they're secretly just the sisters of all those boys, all grown up and seeking revenge on those of us who said "no." Cuz if you've ever smelled skullcap, you'll understand that the mountain dew milk would've been cake comparatively.
Man, if I find out they're just fucking with me, I'm going to hope this kid is a boy, cuz girls are better at getting you to do gross stuff as it turns out.
I did. I never had any desire to taste grass or to drink mountain dew milk with chocolate sauce and ketchup. I couldn't be persuaded to swallow a worm whole no matter whose allowance was on the line.
So I find it funny that as an adult, all it takes is these 2 tiny, sweet little midwives to tell me to drink a tincture of skullcap and I do it. What if they're not really midwives? Maybe they're secretly just the sisters of all those boys, all grown up and seeking revenge on those of us who said "no." Cuz if you've ever smelled skullcap, you'll understand that the mountain dew milk would've been cake comparatively.
Man, if I find out they're just fucking with me, I'm going to hope this kid is a boy, cuz girls are better at getting you to do gross stuff as it turns out.
Hee hee! I was that neighborhood kid who got others to drink the nasty stuff, but then, my older sisters taught me everything I knew. But skullcap, hmm. That sounds a little like it goes in a cauldron. But what do I know. My midwives may have disguised my skullcap in stuff called "pregnancy tea." I was already pregnant, so no clue.
ReplyDeleteI have so much herbal hippie dippie stuff I don't know what to do with myself. Skull cap tincture, red rasberry leaf tea, nettle tea, chlorophyll, evening primrose. And you know what? I'm still not in freakin labor! But I'm also not in a hospital so I guess I'll take it.
ReplyDeletescrub the kitchen floor. that's how my grandmother went into labor with her three boys and how I ended up there too!
ReplyDeleteps- it's also how my great grandmother went into labor with her 4 kids. and maybe even her mom before that. it's an old family secret, that's all I know
ReplyDelete