I'm eternally picturing my kids' behavior as adult problem-behavior. Like when Magnus was a baby and would crawl over and bite your toes, I pictured him as one of those weird people on the subway that grabs women and deepthroats their feet. Yeah.
So today, Magnus and Gavin and I are in the car waiting for Rob to grab condoms from the store and Magnus is chattering away. He explains that he will grow up. And when he grows up he will go in the beer store with dad and me and he will buy beer for daddy. But Gavin won't come. He'll wait in the car and cry.
Then he tells me for the third time that he has to pee. So I take him out of the car and let him piss on the wheel well of my subaru. Instead he pisses all over his pants, hand, my wheel well, and the concrete. He thinks this is hilarious.
And I picture him a drunk college kid, still driving my Subaru and pissing all over himself while a friend goes in to buy more beer. Don't worry, Gavin's sober driver. That's why he's crying.