I used to always think the best thing I had to offer was fun. I'm a shitton of fun. During quarantine, I had students make sock puppets and do a lipsynch battle. I once let my kids sit on the roof of the car while I pulled up the driveway. I sing loud even at stoplights with the windows down. I am always thinking of games, texting funny pictures, saying weird stuff to make people laugh. I make myself happy nearly every day with silliness.
But once when I said that was the best thing I have to offer, my husband disagreed. I didn't know what to make of it. I thought he was wrong. I was kinda mad actually. Why didn't he think the best thing about me was the best thing about me? Maybe he didn't get me.
But more than a year later, I don't think that's it at all. I'm not actually sure what he thinks it is and I'm still not sure if he's right. The fun part is pretty uniquely me and I really like it about myself. But maybe the fun part is the part that's the easiest to find and easiest to like about me. Perhaps he's right that the easiest part to like isn't really the best part though.
Maybe the best part of me is a little deeper than that and maybe, he knew it all along. Maybe the ways I grow compassion for others, the ways I am present for people, the way I can really see people's value is the best part. I have a pretty solid knack for seeing someone deeply and finding a kernel of what make them them and liking them.
When I'm looking closely at the people I see often, I'm looking at what I love about them. I am learning their faces so I can love their faces. I am imagining being in their shoes and what I'd want someone to say to me if I were struggling with whatever they are struggling with. I am seeing their strength and thinking of things that will make them feel their strength. Maybe this is what's best about me.
If I'm honest though, I wish it were my writing. My hope is to someday match that ability to deeply see the value of others with finely honed writing skill to make that the best thing I have to offer.
I'm writing every day and the book I'm working on has the most potential of anything I've ever written. If I can execute it well, it will be a great story. I mean, a great story. Fingers crossed.
In the meantime, I spent a few minutes consider what things excite me and bring me an instant jolt of joy. Those things' shine never dulls; I am consistently delighted by them. This is a list of those things:
1. Hugs from my kids
2. The sight of Red and Buffalo peaks from Lake Dillon, especially but also from Ptarmigan trail.
3. Seeing fish jump.
4. Seeing a shooting star,
5. Seeing moose, bald eagles, otters, and fox. Seeing any new animal I've never seen before.
6. Getting a cat to jump after a toy or my hand under a blanket.
7. Jumping into water whether flipping or diving or jumping off a rope swing.
8. Someone telling me a reason they like my kid.
9. Ripping paper off a present.
10. Popping bubble wrap
And finally, an anecdote you may already know is that one time I had a bubble wrap party. I managed to acquire four 5-foot industrial rolls of bubble wrap and emptied a room out of my mother's house and we wrestled in bubble wrap. I am a shitton of fun.
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