Wrap your head with this material...

“I think I might have PMS. Yeah? Well… I’m bloated, feel fat, ate a lot of chocolate today, and I’m crying.” “For dinner, what about… rotinni with rotinni with white sauce with ground beef and tomatoes, and waffle fries.” “Something about a gay guy from Howard Dean’s campaign talking about the battle ground in Idaho just struck me funny” “So I looked on our meeting room schedule today at the library and it read: Central California Hookers. Hmm, and I thought the meeting rooms were for not-for-profit groups only.” “A judge has denied an Iowa man’s claim that he shouldn’t have been fired for repeatedly requesting help to procure a prostitute.” ”I saw a commercial tonight where the world was covered in bubble wrap and it made me think of you :) I swell with pride.” “I picked him up at his dorm the other day. At least you didn’t have to pick him up from his mother’s basement. Or wait, will you have to do that over the summer?”

The best lesson I ever taught, at least I think it was, was at the beginning of the book A Wrinkle in Time . In the story there is a black thing that hangs over the planet earth. The black thing in the book lurks attempting to take over earth and make it a “dark planet.” It is used to explain the pain and suffering in our world. Anyway, to get the kids to view it in a personal way, I had them each draw stars on the board. When they put up their stars though, they had to say a hope or dream. They were reluctant at first but really got into it. They made elaborate and creative stars and confessed that they hoped for a permanent home, to get better in treatment, to see their parents again, to reunite with brothers and sisters, to graduate from high school… all kinds of things. My classroom staff and I participated as well adding our hopes and dreams for our own families, worlds, the kids. My board covered in all those stars was the single most inspiring thing I’ve seen i...

Because of my mother’s love of and interest in animals there were occasionally exceptional and strange animal situations at our house. There was the scorpion my brother brought home from college. There was the dead raccoon he found on his paper route that my mom and he dissected in the back yard. There was the iguana I was allowed to keep for the summer in high school who would whip his tail at my boyfriend but no one else unless there was cantaloupe in the room. But nothing was so memorable as the bunny we had one summer when my mom was in vet school. He was an experimental bunny which piqued my interested immediately. Experimental? “What was the experiment?” I asked. It seems our bunny was from a litter which had been taken out of their mother’s uterus and spent time in artificial uteruses inside male mice. Yeah, weird. They spent a week incubating in a male mouse then were moved back to the mother and born. Some survived, some didn’t. Bunny Foo Foo survive...

“ I can drink for a really long time. I’m really impressive.” "Everybody was feeling each others', and nobody would feel mine."" “Never play gay chicken with a guy whose dad is gay.” “All unproved beliefs ought to be rejected. “All unproved beliefs ought to be rejected,” is an unproved belief.” Sex among the hijras isn't completely inexplicable, but it's still pretty weird.

In balancing my Fuck You's I feel the need to send some ShoutOuts A ShoutOut to Gina For teaching me how to use flickr to upload pics into my blog... more to come A Special ShoutOut to Heather for getting me all kinds of involved in politics in Summit County. A Very Special ShoutOut to Linnea's (niece) nana who taught her to say "Ohmmmmmm" and bow while she says "Namaste." She inexplicably knows who Buddha is.

At the end of the book I just read the author points out how at the end of books there's often an acknowledgment section and how maybe there should also be a corresponding fuck you section. It is in the spirit of the anti-acknowledgment that I issue the following fuck you's. Fuck You To the asshole on ebay who sold me a fancy iPod with no cords. None. A Special Fuck You To the asshole on ebay who sold me an ancient printer (which I picked intentionally knowing its a good ole reliable one) without any cords. Leading me to spend an hour and twenty minutes alternately chatting with and talking on the phone with more assholes at HP in India in order to get them to sell me another cord for the same cost as the stupid printer. I HATE CUSTOMER SERVICE!!!! A Very Special Fuck You To the fucking asshole at the rec center yesterday who stole my shoes. What the hell?!!???!!! Who takes someone's shoes while their swimming. Much less their covered-in-road-salt-kid's-skate sh...

Allegedly this is Friday Quotes where I attempt to assemble the best quotes I've heard over the course of the week. "Roses are red Violets are blue If you have a date for Valentine's Day I hope he gives you herpes" "I went to a restaurant and ordered a dessert called 'Death by Chocolate', but it only made me stronger." "…feeling a little oogly and fogley, but it may just be the sloodge in her froodle." "A lot just happened in my brain in the last 25 seconds. I had an argument with myself which I won." "She's her own one-person telephone game." "Haikus can be fun, but sometimes they don't make sense. Refrigerator." "Without money or power, winning is useless."

FRIDAY quotes! "If it sucks ever again- I am not driving until it un-sucks!" "Let's see how long before 50 cent uses a word with more than two syllables. Oh and Escalade and motherfucker don't count. Proper nouns if you will." "I once said "that's so gay" in front of my gay dad. I wanted to crawl inside my own skin and die." "It moved me in ways I can't describe to you. Probly in the butt area" "Gay men took some good things, like rainbows and parades. You know what!? I really like rainbows. I'm takin em back." "Man, I rode my ass and my balls off. What's gonna be left for Tina? There's one thing left for Tina." "Your poems are good Your poems are great Leave me alone Or I will call the police Its kind of like a haiku but without regard for syllables"

Thoughts on Born into Brothels From my world swept over by gray and cream and beige Watch a boy in a ghetto paint a different picture Framed the way he wants that captures the colors In between each wrinkle of an eye Sneaks in the sadness Doesn't lie Elegance is without domain Veiled by his father's hash smoke screen How does his Technicolor world look from red rimmed eyes? Perhaps he is making duck calls Hunting home the food that will save them Muting the colors of all but textured mallard green Missing the last of hope his son pours from a bucket Into the sea Where it may find a better home He snaps a picture of it as it leaves him And it is beautiful Boring beige sand With accents of bright exciting tshirts of the people stepping Across all oceans hope is beautiful

I remember running in a world with only family My feet pouncing on the asphalt My step father, the night before, agreeing to a spontaneous race after dinner His heavy work boots whapping A time when god knew me before I was born When he knew each sparrow that fell I saw a felled bird on my path Through the smoky mountains I watched as it rose suddenly from its side And flew I wonder if god knew? I wonder if I will rise from the deaths around me Shake off the stunned silence of falling Descending into nothing Sleeping without dreams Will I wake and fly? How will I continue down my path without all those people to ask for directions Those people who like god knew me before I was a thought Who like god loved and watched me fall and learn to walk Will I wake and fly? Will I wake and fly?