Wrap your head with this material...

I'm reposting this because Lora at Fever wrote about smelly lotions a while back in a post, and then a day later my boss gave us all decorative money clips (because social workers have lots of money) and honeydewmellonball and sugarplum fairy handsoap (because all that money we have is dirty.) THEN, at a Sustainability Task Force meeting (which is where a bunch of us from different departments all over the county government get together to try and get us to a zero waste organization,) we got off on a side conversation about feeding wildlife. I was so stunned. I mean, who doesn't know not to feed wildlife? Apparently, one woman showed up to do a home inspection, only to find bag upon bag of dog food in the garage. She asked the homeowners about their dogs, to which they looked confused and then explained that they leave the food out for the foxes and coyotes. Don't worry, I'm sure the bears know its not for them. Jesus, idiots. There were tons of stories like this. So w...

"beer-and-a-pot-pie cha-cha-cha!" "College, are you there? Its me, Karin." "if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are." "I have a crush on Swedish Skier's brain." "Hullo, I glanced at your post and needed to share with you something that you will find engrossing." "Don't give my dog drugs. I mean it!" "I'm trading A-basin in my crotch for Beaver Creek."

Ever met someone who manages a cheap motel? I did. At a party no less. He runs the cheapest, creepiest place in town. He's nice enough, gives out vouchers to help stranded people and victims of domestic violence. But the place is infamous. And he was exactly what I would have pictured. As in... missing teeth. As in... corners you to tell stories about the dead people he's found in hotel rooms. As in... corners you and does not stop talking to you for 45 solid minutes about said dead people. As in... not even all the way in the door to the party, corners you and does not stop talking to you for 45 solid minutes about dead people. It was awkward. And uncomfortable. But worse yet, I was invovled in a finding-a-dead-guy-situation and I totally wanted to tell people about it. But I won't. Except, now I've put it out there so I have to. The story is really just sad. I got a referral about a man who had been neglecting himself and was dying after years and years of ab...

"I gave Toddler a plastic drink sword and a paper drink umbrella the other day and he gave them back saying, "no thanks, I'm not a Chinese girl" me: "what?" Toddler: this is how Chinese ladies fight dragons (holding the umbrella above his head and making jabby motions with the sword) " "I should have blown him kisses. There really aren't that many opportunities to blow Demian kisses." "Hopefully I'll be back if the judge doesn't chew my ass too bad." "top or bottom?" "I'm hoping it'll be the whole thing so I can get disability. It doesn't sound quite as bad when you just got half your ass chewed." "I don't think they make a donut for that." "That's a funny mental image." "Ha! Every effort you made would be halfassed!" "Wow, that was Rob-level of bad joke. I love it!" "You look like a parapalegic trying to do pushups." "Intervi...

"You are sexting a monkey and getting turned on." "The fairyest of drag queens and 3 year olds have the same taste in music." "Michelle's brow furrow turned into a brow spasm at age 13." "You spit something up on my boob and made me pick it off and put it in my drink." "The fruit is getting good and sucked." "If you ever want to fuck again, I'm gonna buy you an iPhone cuz there's an app for that." "Karin is a whore. Yeah, your wife is a whore and it is quite a video." "He got nomigranite" ".... inappropriate" "Innapropriate comments? That's what little girls are made of." "Girls are made of Adderall." "We thought WE were having a normal conversation. We were just talking about animal sex." "I've been hit with 14 hoola hoops and slapped in the face with hippie smell and I don't even know." "I'm just glad you don't have a ...

My pelvis is instable. Doesn't that make it sound like it has a mood disorder? Like I might hip check you one day and hump you the next? That's not what it means. I'm having problems with my SI joint. Thank god. Because I thought it was going to be a disc thing. And my brother had a disc thing that resulted in 3 surgeries and a significant hospital stay. I'll take my bitchy girdle (pelvic girdle that is.) So yesterday I started physical therapy. I told the PT about how if I do a Kegel, I can pop my lower back. Fucked up right? Sounds like I have an unstable and tempestuous pelvis. Like it can roar. She actually said its not all that uncommon. So there's apparently a bunch of roaring, snapping, moody lady hips out there. Be aware. So later in the appointment she's going over the exercises she wants me to do to help keep my hips aligned (one hip was an inch and a half higher than the other until she yanked it into place.) She's explaining how I need to tighten...

"It's a good thing I love Roxie so much, since she dropped butter in my purse." "My current proof against intelligent design: A pig's clitoris is INSIDE her vagina. If there was an intelligent design ALL females would be designed this way." "Watching news about Tiger Woods and my kid asked "Is that Obama's brother?"" "Ever notice that dudes always call it a "penis cake." They never say "cock cake." Which is too bad cuz its fun to say." "My list isn’t long, but I have a lot to be thankful for and topping that list is: I GOT A MOTHERFUCKING KIDNEY! Sorry, I’m a selfish bitch and living makes me happier than anything/anyone else. " "I'm going to empty my clam pouch."

On Wednesdays I (sometimes) post an example of a strange person, or group of people that I've encountered, been told about, or read about. Guest submissions are welcome and can be sent to swedishskier@gmail.com Code for What Would White Trash Mexican American Jesus Do? Becuase in St. Louis last week, I was driving behind this guy who had a truck that looked a little like this: But with an eagle, flag combo decal on the back window And stickers and sayings all over the place about Jesus. There was the fish, and angel figurines were built into the wooden truck bed, and there were stickers of White-Jesus's face, and I could. Not. Look. Away.