"My current proof against intelligent design: A pig's clitoris is INSIDE her vagina. If there was an intelligent design ALL females would be designed this way."
"Watching news about Tiger Woods and my kid asked "Is that Obama's brother?""
"Ever notice that dudes always call it a "penis cake." They never say "cock cake." Which is too bad cuz its fun to say."
"My list isn’t long, but I have a lot to be thankful for and topping that list is: I GOT A MOTHERFUCKING KIDNEY! Sorry, I’m a selfish bitch and living makes me happier than anything/anyone else. "
"I'm going to empty my clam pouch."