Skip to main content

Friday Quotes!

"You are sexting a monkey and getting turned on."

"The fairyest of drag queens and 3 year olds have the same taste in music."

"Michelle's brow furrow turned into a brow spasm at age 13."

"You spit something up on my boob and made me pick it off and put it in my drink."

"The fruit is getting good and sucked."

"If you ever want to fuck again, I'm gonna buy you an iPhone cuz there's an app for that."

"Karin is a whore. Yeah, your wife is a whore and it is quite a video."

"He got nomigranite"

".... inappropriate"
"Innapropriate comments? That's what little girls are made of."
"Girls are made of Adderall."

"We thought WE were having a normal conversation. We were just talking about animal sex."

"I've been hit with 14 hoola hoops and slapped in the face with hippie smell and I don't even know."

"I'm just glad you don't have a fucking rainbow, you bilingual elf."

"It has been brought to my attention that I may owe you an apology. Something about a slipping incident, then holding you down with my foot, and a camera. Yup, consider me sorry."

"Windy.The manger across the street blew over: Joseph rolled down a hill, Mary is trapped under a bench, and I think Jesus is in a tree. "

"I know you told me something you wanted for Christmas but now I can't remember what it was."
"Gray socks."
"No wonder I couldn't remember. That's the boringest shit I've ever heard."
Labels:

Comments

  1. meDecember 11, 2009 at 7:36 AM

    ouch.

    ReplyDelete
  2. LoraDecember 11, 2009 at 8:38 AM

    my son loves glampop
    Lady Gaga
    Mika
    Scissor Sisters
    all of it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousDecember 14, 2009 at 8:00 PM

    The fairyest drag queens and 3-yr-olds also have about the same taste in clothes!!
    mja

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousDecember 14, 2009 at 8:01 PM

    But I neeeed gray socks. How 'bout an electric toothbrush. I think I also need something with batteries.!
    mom

    ReplyDelete
  5. Karin MitchellDecember 17, 2009 at 2:16 PM

    Hey ma-that sounds vaguely dirty.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dear Book Pimp

So I wrote this book and I think it's pretty decent. That's the feedback I'm getting anyway, which is bitchin' really since I have a degree in Education, NOT writing. Plus, this is my first try, so really I should be happy, right? But, turns out writing the book is maybe the easy part. The publishing is another story. You have to find a Literary Agent. To do this, you have to write a 1-3 page letter to many literary agents to convince them to read a sample chapter. Send it with a Self addressed stamped envelope (SASE) and wait. there's more but I'm already experiencing a high level anxiety just writing about this part. In my letter, I'm supposed to explain who I am, what my book's about, why I'm qualified to write it, why its sicky illy good, who'll read it, and on and on. AHHHHHhhhhh! This shit scares me. Also, I'm supposed to be witty, clever, literary, and junk. Oh and explain a 300 page book in a sales pitch. I'm not a frea...
10 comments
Read more

Home birth- The real fuckin deal

So the end of pregnancy is for the fuckin birds. I'm sure plenty of you out there know this. There's nothing to say but that you're sick of being pregnant. You're a little sick of the sweet smiles and knowing looks from strangers. You're just all over sick of it. You're spectacularly sick of the: when's your due date how far are you are you having a boy or a girl I bet you're sick of this what hospital are you going to, conversations. You miss when people used to ask about the soccer game you played or the book you're reading. You're sick of swollen handsfeetfaceneckanklesEVERYTHING. Oh and from the beginning of pregnancy until FRIDAY, I had NO stretch marks. Friday my entire lower abdomen erupted into one. giant. stretch mark. So all weekend, I thought, please let this be over soon. Every cramp I felt I welcomed and thought, "whatever work my body does now, it doesn't have to do during labor." Little did I know how much ...
12 comments
Read more

Having Babies at Home

My whole life, I've heard the story of my cousin Anna's birth. And her sister's too. But I hear more about Anna's. My aunt didn't exactly have a lot of love for the medical profession. And her first baby had been a horrible experience. She'd had him wrenched from her at least as much as she "gave him up" for adoption by nursing staff who leered at her and called her unpleasant names. And she loved him when he was born. And she found him when he turned 18 and loved him till the day she died. When she had kids for keeps, she did it differently. She read books and assigned duties and had them at home. She was brave and surely faced many people who disagreed with her decision. But she stuck by her convictions and her desire for a natural birth and won 2 beautiful girls. My mom was there when Anna was born. So was her sister, Kristina. They both still get this sparkle in their eyes whenever they talk about it. My mom says it was one of the most ...
9 comments
Read more