Wrap your head with this material...

I get how the military keeps our government going and protects our government leaders.  I genuinely don't understand how they protect freedoms though.  I'm not trying to be a disrespectful asshole; I really don't get it.  It seems to me that dissenters and protestors, activists, lawyers and judges, and all those who exercise our freedoms, defend our freedoms.  Feel free to explain or defend your own position. 

Ways to announce you're pregnant: "I'll totally punch you and steal your lunch.  What?  I'm pregnant." "I have to watch Grey's Anatomy now.  I'm hormonally predisposed due to pregnancy."  "Shit happens when you party naked.  Like pregnancy.  Get it?  I partied naked and now there's going to be lots of baby shit." "Wanna see how much yoga pants can stretch?  Watch me for the six next months.  Due Jan 2013." "Seriously, hand your lunch over.  I'm pregnant and hungry.  I'm not fuckin around." "You've got to be kidding me!  Lunchmeat?  All that bullying and I can't even eat this!" Looking forward to the current household indigents getting a new resident on or abouts January 3, 2013, you know, minus the giving birth part.  That part's fucking horrifying.

I took a test for my teaching license in Denver yesterday and went to a bridal shower and then fell asleep after putting Magnus to bed at 8. Which means I woke up at four. Sleep is stupid. There's never enough of it and I always screw it up. I miss crapping by myself.  Now there's this toddler who wants to come sit in the room with his snacks which is just gross.  And since he's allowed in the room, the dog and the cat have to come see if the rules have changed for them.  They haven't.  Or shit, I don't care, whatever.  I just miss not subconsciously echoing Magnus "poop!"  "Yes, mommy's pooping."  "Pee, pee."  "Yes, you go pee pee in the potty."  And on.  I got to use a babysitter to go to the OB the other day though.  That's totally what I want to do with my kid-free time.  Here's what I think is weird about the twat doctor trip: when they walk out of the room for you to take off the bottom part of your o...

Someone was selling a Love Sac on Craigslist.  Just makes me laugh.  Love sac, yeah, yea.  I'm heading down, the atlanta highway... lookin for a love getaway!  Headed for lu-uv getaway!  Well the Love Sac is a little ole place where... I almost emailed to ask if it was hairy.  Huh, huh.  I put my hairy Love Sac on Craigslist.

Sometimes I feel awkward.  Like, middle school awkward.  The kind where you just know people can see it.  You bought the slightly off version of what's cool and your underwear's sticking out, or you stared too long until it became weird, or said something that made the world come to a screeching halt and now the whole world knows how odd you are.  How ill-suited for normal company. It doesn't happen a lot anymore.  I live in a place that I'm perfectly suited for and that's partly why.  I'm also good-looking and a lot of leeway comes with looks and age.  But when my friends from home hang out, the middle schooler peaks out of me.  Facebook is the worst for this.  I should really abstain more.  When I lived in St. Louis, I was never part of any group.  I had friends who were drug dealers, and friends from the honor's society.  I had friends who were in college, and friends who were in drama at my school.  I sprawled and ...

ChompSki's had horrendously bad gas lately. Like, what the fuck did that dog eat? Tires, skunks, and bear shit. Has to be. Then he puked it up and ate it and NOW he's farting. I've been joking that he should have the decency to at least finish it off with a vanilla candle chaser. So then Magnus decides to take the advice instead. I catch him in time. He's only licked a little bit of flavory wax off his fingers when I stop him. My house is getting taller and taller by the minute. The high shelves are in demand and getting fuller and more crammed. And damned if I can ever find my beer. I remark on having caught him in time when Rob shares with me not to worry: the candles aren't toxic. He knows from calling poison control. He was wise not to mention this to me. I've turned into some what of a fretter, in a way I'm not especially proud of. I'm afraid I may raise a mama's boy. A short time later, Rob shares how he spent 20 minutes driving a...

Easter weekend was a delightfully slam-packed weekend. We visited friends in Denver. Dyed easter eggs, went to the park, went to IKEA and dinner at Steak N Shake. I went for a run. Went out to a series of bars that included a lot of live music and dancing. I'm a good dancer and kind of a looker when I get gussied up and the light's all dim-like. So I'm a catch, even when I'm already wearing a wedding ring. Apparently. This boy hits on me. Goodlooking kid too. In grad school for aeronautical engineering. I think I even spelled it right. It went over real well when I told him I was a stay-at-home mom. He wandered off, gathered his gumption, and came right back and tried again. He was all nervous too. And did I mention he was the best looking guy at the bar? He was. He apologized and said he just had to tell me I had the most beautiful blue eyes. This was AFTER I told him I was a stay-at-home mom. We'll go ahead and call that a win for me. Then we ca...

I'm a big fan of an escape route. Imaginarily mostly. Its my out- my way of dealing when I get frustrated. In college I was going to quit and become a truck driver. Well, until I started having seizures and stopped being allowed to drive. That was kinda sucky. Today I lost my first piano student before it even started. She just found another teacher closer to her house. Nothing I should take personally. But I'm just about out of patience with not know what the fuck I'm doing. So I took it kinda hard. My escape was to Borneo this time. To be totally honest, I don't even know that I could find Borneo on a map. Well, with some time, I'm sure I could. Pacific somewhere, right? See. Anyway, I told my mom I was quitting life and moving to Borneo and she told me the following: My grandfather was stationed in Borneo. He didn't like it. Said that pigs were very important to the family there. So much so that he'd once seen a human woman nurse a pig. Its...

Its a five star day. I don't know what my horoscope has to say about it, but I'll tell you. FIVE. Stars. I'm in Taos with a friend for a really quick trip. The idea was to spend the day in town milling about today and then ski tomorrow. Skiing's generally the highlight of any trip for me. I go to bed early for skiing. I forgo drinking in favor of skiing. I hump skiing. Ok, maybe not the humping part. But the rest. But this trip... it might be today that was the best part of the trip. I usually only have the time of my life and the strange encounters and quirky wonderful people experiences when I'm by myself. But this time, oy. Such good stuff. I feel like packing my shit and moving here after just a few hours of being here. It just fits. Some places have the exact imprint of your hand in a glove as you slip it in. And its orgasmic- that fit. We rolled up and found the earthships. A community of sustainable housing. I showed a video on these h...

Its easier to write about the bad things I've decided. You need an outlet. A keyboard releases in clickity clackety keystrokes what you didn't say 10 times a day when someone asked you how you were. But now. NOW! I'm so happy. And scared to even type it. When life is good, you don't write about it. The goodness is bigger and better than my words. I'll pierce it like a balloon and all the good will goosh out and ruin things. The words that are coming faster, fasterfasterfasertefastfasfaRRRRRRRRRRRR out of Magnus. His laugh and the time I'm spending with him. I'm redefining what makes me happy. What luxurious is. Its not going out for meals. Or getting new clothes. Its having time to make good meals. Goood. Its snuggling up and time for morning kisses. My life is boring to write about. Its about grocery store trips and reading lift-the-flap books 3 times in a row. Its just another boring life. On paper. But to live it. I chase Magnus aroun...

Two Tragedies their sadness cutting lines in a pavement walkway between the front door: a grand entrance lain with gold and the dank side door I bet it opens to basement stairs blank stares on those lined up to go down indoor outdoor carpet low pile many a deep-creased brow same down caste eyes disparity of reason their sadness cutting them apart a mingling in the front a line down the side One a funeral dress blues the other a soup kitchen line I wonder how many veterans in each?

I realize I don't talk about skiing enough on this blog. Its just a given. I go skiing. Pretty often. Not as often as I like or as I should, but pretty often. I went this weekend and this week. I go downhill skiing, park skiing, cross country skiing. I take friends who are newer to the sport and help them get better, or hang out with my guy friends and make jokes on the lift. Sometimes I go by myself and just feel good in my skin. Sometimes I go and end up helping someone who has fallen on a run. Sometimes I meet high schoolers or old schoolers on the lift. My guy friends tell me things on lifts they might not have mentioned if we were face to face. In mixed company. There's something about having a helmet and goggles on and being with someone you'd trust your life to that just opens things up differently. I love the relationships. I love my relationship with the mountain. Its ever changing states. The winds and views and different snow conditions. A gal I ...

What I said to Magnus last night as I was putting him to bed: May the love in my heart be in your mind protecting your thoughts, making them kind May the love in my heart protect your body keeping you strong, healthy and mighty May the love in my heart live in your soul making you good, keeping you whole.

Lora blogged about the bugs that come out of the woodworks post-exterminator. You can imagine how horrifying it is. Spindly, scary numbers of feelers and legs and hairiness that lived in your floorboards and under your tile that you never knew was there. Suddenly dead out where you can see them. Most of them were not meant to be seen by the light of day. I remember a girl telling me in 5th grade all about the bugs (see also, microorganisms,) that live under your nails and in your eyepits and all over your body. That there are literally thousands on every surface you can think of, you just need a strong enough microscope. I remember spending lots of time when I was supposed to be listening digging under my fingernails and thinking about it. We have this desire to think we are alone. That we, as a species, are exclusive. The only ones allowed to live in our house. The only organism. Lots of people don't even believe themselves to be animals. We forget that since we have ...

I’ve spent a lot of time lately taking care of myself and its really paying off. I didn’t do that very well for a long, long time. I stopped recognizing myself when I looked in the mirror. I was all flat and grey and blank. Its like my soul has been having a spa day/week/month. I skied yesterday with my sister-in-law then had dinner with my mom. I took my son and my nieces for the morning today. My husband and I managed to get the house clean. I mean, sheets washed, dried, and put back on, laundry done and put away and there’s scored grapefruit in the fridge for the morning. I have ideas again for writing projects. I’m making jokes again and thinking of clever cheeky things to do and say. I played piano for an hour today while my son and husband played with Legos on the floor. I remember again that life is good. Not just know it intellectually. I feel it in the moment, in my bones. Deep down feel it. Life is good. Good. GOOD good

It finally snowed. Its been a pretty snow-free ski season thus far. Which honestly didn't bother me too much since I was working a lot and it would just mean more shoveling then. But now that I'm unemployed... snow's good. Its reminding me who I am. How good I feel rushing down a mountain. How confident. Strong. Smooth. I skied 3 days in a row and 2 of them were with one of my favorite old riding friends. I got up yesterday and shoveled, made coffee and was off. Right before I left, Magnus said "snow." I took a few runs where ski patrol dropped ropes and I got fresh glorious deep turns. Skiing powder is the single best thing in the world. Right before I dropped into my run, as the patroller dropped the rope, he said "Let 'er rip!" "Thanks, I think I will."

"Remember kids, every time you use "LOL," God sodomizes a chipmunk. Please, think about the chipmunks." A little boy was wandering around the non-fiction section. I asked, “Can I help you?” Little boy: “I need to write report on New Hampster and I can’t find anything!” "Just thinking...If you were my paper work, I'd be doing you on my desk right now..." "I only heard this in passing, but I'm pretty sure I heard Van der Sloot's friend say he hopes he only gets 10 years because he, "Don't think Joran killed her that bad." That may be the most amazing sentence I have ever heard on TV. He didn't kill her that bad, just enough so that she stopped living. He only killed her about 10 years worth, I don't get why her family is so pissed, I mean he could have killed her bad enough to serve 30 years, and he didn't, so..." A 45 year old widow just approached me after my show and asked me to go to he...

I realized that I've kind of half assed my explanation of quitting my job with pretty much no idea what I'm doing. Sorry about that. Its just, I feel... umm.... hmmm This is the kind of thing you can talk about and write about forever. The problems with doing child welfare, my job's hard, blah blah blah. And there's part of me that doesn't want to talk about it or share the details of what I assume you already know. Except maybe you don't. I mean, sure there's that glazed-over look and the obligatory comment of "I could never do your job," that is the response from EVERY person you ever meet at a party that says something child protection workers turn a blind eye to. That there are times when working with families is an impossibly difficult job. My last week, I took a teenaged girl to the jail to facilitate a visit between she and her dad. Her feelings about the whole thing were impossibly complex. On the one hand, she understood why he wa...

I've technically only been unemployed for two days so far. I've been a busy girl. And eating really good breakfasts. Mmm. I love breakfast! If you put a bunch of pots in the fire at the same time, then something's bound to be edible come dinnertime, right? See also, starting my own diapering service. See also, that damn book I wrote that I did nothing with and might maybe sorta try to get published. See also, 2-3 jobs I'm applying for. Sure I might burn some stuff, but I just can't handle the idea of putting all my eggs in one basket either. Speaking of eggs, I went out for cocktails with a few close friends after my last day of work and ended up back at my house eating eggs and drinking wine. (Which was a little sad b/c I just worked too many hours and too hard and didn't have any down time so ended up in that weird place with a few drinks where I started to let down and thought I might cry. No one wants to hang out with a crying drunk girl. There aren...

I knew a couple in high school who claimed to still be virgins because they were only having anal sex. Every time I see a picture of her posted on FB, that's what I think of. I think my child is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I stare and stare at him and I could kiss my own lips right off on that forehead of his. I also think he looks just like me. BUT, I do not look at myself in a mirror with an achy lovey heart and think how beautiful I am. My neighbors shoveled a line in the snow dividing our two lawns yesterday. They're so fucking bizarre. I quit my job. I'm getting my house in order. Literally and figuratively. And I even use literally correct in sentences. It should result in more writing. And skiing. And feeling more like myself again. Which is good because I kind of lost me in a deep pit of self-doubt. I'm climbing out now though. Which involves being very poor, and hopefully, very happy.