I took a test for my teaching license in Denver yesterday and went to a bridal shower and then fell asleep after putting Magnus to bed at 8. Which means I woke up at four. Sleep is stupid. There's never enough of it and I always screw it up.
I miss crapping by myself. Now there's this toddler who wants to come sit in the room with his snacks which is just gross. And since he's allowed in the room, the dog and the cat have to come see if the rules have changed for them. They haven't. Or shit, I don't care, whatever. I just miss not subconsciously echoing Magnus "poop!" "Yes, mommy's pooping." "Pee, pee." "Yes, you go pee pee in the potty." And on.
I got to use a babysitter to go to the OB the other day though. That's totally what I want to do with my kid-free time. Here's what I think is weird about the twat doctor trip: when they walk out of the room for you to take off the bottom part of your outfit. Then you sit for an indeterminate amount of time with a paper blanket on your bottom half but looking all normal and reading a book on the top half. Makes me feel like one of those children's books with animal parts. You know, where you turn the page and get an ostrich's feet and a giraffe head? I feel like that.
A lot of my identity feels split like that. Formal on top, silly bottom. My favorite tease-Rob tactic lately is a dramatic bottom shaking. It's a stylish dance I'm perfecting over time.
I am afraid of changing lightbulbs. I HATE feet. I hate condiments. Vinegar is disgusting. I check behind the shower curtain of people's houses because I'm the kind of person who would hide there to scare someone. When I was six I went to school with my coat and no shirt on. When I was 10 I didn't brush my hair for 4 months. My favorite errand is going to the library. I will pull things out of the trash to recycle them. I hate country music and jam bands. I have great aim when throwing things even though I can't play an upperbody sport to save my life. I like dark art. I trust scary looking people almost immediately.