I saw Santa walking with a walker yesterday. Only instead of a walker, it was giant antlers. And they were black. What animal has black antlers that if you held up would be just the right size for Santa to use? I wanted to yell, "Santa, it is NOT ok to do that to Rudolf. I don't care what he did to your favorite pair of red velvet pants!"
I am afraid of changing lightbulbs. I HATE feet. I hate condiments. Vinegar is disgusting. I check behind the shower curtain of people's houses because I'm the kind of person who would hide there to scare someone. When I was six I went to school with my coat and no shirt on. When I was 10 I didn't brush my hair for 4 months. My favorite errand is going to the library. I will pull things out of the trash to recycle them. I hate country music and jam bands. I have great aim when throwing things even though I can't play an upperbody sport to save my life. I like dark art. I trust scary looking people almost immediately.