"Religious views: at a fork in the road, I go left..."
"Do you mind if I show my slug mating video while we wait?"
"Mom, why are the bears in armor fighting?"
"I don't know why, but that's not very nice. Jews don't do this, we solve our problems by talking."
Brunette (looking at her crotch): Helllllllooooooo!?
Blonde: Are you talking to your vagina?
Brunette: No, my chlamydia.
Blonde: I think you're talking to your vagina.
"And the dogs? How much do you feed them?""One pussy scoop."