Skip to main content

WE are not pregnant

I think the phrase "We're pregnant" is among the most ridiculous and irritating phrases. WE aren't anything. The man does not have to abstain from drinking, does not have to sleep 90 hours a week, does not purchase all new clothes that resemble tents, does not put cocoa butter anywhere on his body, nor does he GIVE BIRTH!

Its simple grammar:

I swim. He swims. We swim.

I ski. He skis. We ski.

I'm pregnant. He is pregnant. We're pregnant.

annoying pregnant

Annoying. Yuppies. Yipeee!

Wait a second... He cannot be pregnant. Therefore, WE cannot be pregnant. I am pregnant.

I have the gas, the swelling breasts, the weight gain, the sleepiness, the expanding uterus and the impending birth. "We're pregnant" is some caring and sharing, touchy feelie bullshit. Its akin to "we're in a bad mood today aren't we?"

Well fuck you, yes I am.
Labels:

Comments

  1. dollginaApril 28, 2009 at 8:33 PM

    Hey! Just cos you're the baby castle doesn't mean y'all aren't both having a bebe. 'We're pregnant' is the guy taking a little ownership and responsibility. Much better than 'muh bitch is knocked up.'

    Oooh wait--tell Rob to go around telling people 'we're knocked up'--that's much better.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Kendra HollidayApril 29, 2009 at 8:09 AM

    If you go to one of those birthing classes one day and they pull out the pregnant belly for the menfolk to try on so they can empathize, will your man pass? I'm not sure I approve of that exercise, it's a bit insulting.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Kendra HollidayApril 29, 2009 at 8:10 AM

    PS: I know what you do with sperm.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Auntie JooMay 2, 2009 at 12:37 PM

    I absolutely 100% without a doubt for sure hells yeah totally and completely concur with you, cousin. Is HIS ass spreading like the swine flu?? I don't think so.

    ReplyDelete
  5. BubbaJune 14, 2010 at 11:30 AM

    It's simple grammar?

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Friday Quotes! The GAME

Introducing *drumroll please* Friday Quotes: The Game Apparently people play this game in their heads when they read this anyway so here's your chance to make it interactive. Guess who said each quote. You can post your answers in the comments. The person with the most correct answers gets.... the joy of being right. What? I don't paid for this blog, so you'll have to find self satisfaction wherever you can. Let the Games Begin! 1. "She's so dumb she thinks 'soy milk' is Spanish for 'I am milk'." 2. "Yeah... I didn't sit next to him on spaghetti day." 3. “Its just like when you don’t think about something, you know, and then you think about something.” 4. "What, you're my fucking mom? What, you shat me out of your womb?" 5. “I just had all of this emotion, and it burst forth from my face.” 6. “Chances are if you're reading it and you think its Heath, its probably Heath.” 7. “He drinks whiskey, or Izze, or l...
14 comments
Read more

Past tense

I work with this really kickass lawyer. She's been all crazy over this guy lately. He worked for probation. Past tense. Did you see it? Over the weekend he killed himself. Enter past tense, the unwelcome jerk. And I feel soooo terrible. And guilty. Because I tried it to. I talked about it a little in this post . Try #17 and on. That's where I talk about it. A little. And now when someone kills themselves, I feel guilty. Like what I did when I was 17 somehow makes me responsible for everyone who ever does it. Like because I tried it, I should know how to fix it. But there are tons of recovering drug addicts that can't tell you how to get sober. There are great thinkers that can't explain their ideas. And the fact is, no one can explain suicide.
6 comments
Read more

Wednesdays' Weirdos: Kindergarten Krazy

My friends took their 5 year old, Tempest, to look at schools in Denver. One of them went to the Waldorf Schools as a kid so they've been pretty into checking them out. I asked about the visit and these are some of the tidbits I got: - They speak really quietly, apparently its a little eerie. - They had a story telling time where they lit a candle and sat in a circle. At the end of story, they used a snuffer dealie bobber to snuff out the candle. Tempest asked how they did it and they told her "Magic..." in their whispery conspiratorial voices. - One of the teachers told the mom about how at night when she dreams she goes to an alternate plane where she meets up with the children and it is there that she finds out what the children need. Making her this week's Wednesday's Weirdo: Kindergarten Krazy. The dad did not think this was weird. The mom did. I said I'd like to think when she goes home and sleeps, she thinks of something other than work. But wh...
5 comments
Read more