Skip to main content

WE are not pregnant

I think the phrase "We're pregnant" is among the most ridiculous and irritating phrases. WE aren't anything. The man does not have to abstain from drinking, does not have to sleep 90 hours a week, does not purchase all new clothes that resemble tents, does not put cocoa butter anywhere on his body, nor does he GIVE BIRTH!

Its simple grammar:

I swim. He swims. We swim.

I ski. He skis. We ski.

I'm pregnant. He is pregnant. We're pregnant.

annoying pregnant

Annoying. Yuppies. Yipeee!

Wait a second... He cannot be pregnant. Therefore, WE cannot be pregnant. I am pregnant.

I have the gas, the swelling breasts, the weight gain, the sleepiness, the expanding uterus and the impending birth. "We're pregnant" is some caring and sharing, touchy feelie bullshit. Its akin to "we're in a bad mood today aren't we?"

Well fuck you, yes I am.

Comments

  1. Hey! Just cos you're the baby castle doesn't mean y'all aren't both having a bebe. 'We're pregnant' is the guy taking a little ownership and responsibility. Much better than 'muh bitch is knocked up.'

    Oooh wait--tell Rob to go around telling people 'we're knocked up'--that's much better.

    ReplyDelete
  2. If you go to one of those birthing classes one day and they pull out the pregnant belly for the menfolk to try on so they can empathize, will your man pass? I'm not sure I approve of that exercise, it's a bit insulting.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I absolutely 100% without a doubt for sure hells yeah totally and completely concur with you, cousin. Is HIS ass spreading like the swine flu?? I don't think so.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Home birth- The real fuckin deal

So the end of pregnancy is for the fuckin birds. I'm sure plenty of you out there know this. There's nothing to say but that you're sick of being pregnant. You're a little sick of the sweet smiles and knowing looks from strangers. You're just all over sick of it. You're spectacularly sick of the: when's your due date how far are you are you having a boy or a girl I bet you're sick of this what hospital are you going to, conversations. You miss when people used to ask about the soccer game you played or the book you're reading. You're sick of swollen handsfeetfaceneckanklesEVERYTHING. Oh and from the beginning of pregnancy until FRIDAY, I had NO stretch marks. Friday my entire lower abdomen erupted into one. giant. stretch mark. So all weekend, I thought, please let this be over soon. Every cramp I felt I welcomed and thought, "whatever work my body does now, it doesn't have to do during labor." Little did I know how much

Having Babies at Home

My whole life, I've heard the story of my cousin Anna's birth. And her sister's too. But I hear more about Anna's. My aunt didn't exactly have a lot of love for the medical profession. And her first baby had been a horrible experience. She'd had him wrenched from her at least as much as she "gave him up" for adoption by nursing staff who leered at her and called her unpleasant names. And she loved him when he was born. And she found him when he turned 18 and loved him till the day she died. When she had kids for keeps, she did it differently. She read books and assigned duties and had them at home. She was brave and surely faced many people who disagreed with her decision. But she stuck by her convictions and her desire for a natural birth and won 2 beautiful girls. My mom was there when Anna was born. So was her sister, Kristina. They both still get this sparkle in their eyes whenever they talk about it. My mom says it was one of the most

Wednesdays' Weirdos: Mouse-stache-kateer

Need I even type something?