"Well I didn't want to walk in on your boobies"
"thought my lesbian neighbor wanted to jump my bones in the laundry room. Turns out lesbians just really like pajama pants."
"You're like a tornado of bullshit right now. We'll talk again after your bullshit dies out over someone else's house."
"The little engine that tried to do it but couldn’t and then later he found out that when he was born they weren’t sure if he was a train or a tractor so the doctor just made him into a train because that was easier but turns out? Totally a tractor."
"The bible is the world's longest game of telephone."
"I always try to see if I can get people to hold their breath through a tunnel. No one ever makes it through the Eisenhower Tunnel."
"I wanna see if Michael Phelps can hold it through the Eisenhower Tunnel."
"I wanna see if Michael Phelps can take a bong rip and hold it through th Eisenhower Tunnel."