"My skin doesn't want to experience the world, it wants to lay in a tub of lotion."
"What are 'feces'?"
"I walked in and my wife was doing yoga to a tool video."
"Everyone's got something to hide except for me and my monkey"
"I want to get metal legs. Its a risky operation, but it'll be worth it."
"I think I might want to have kids soon.
Really, cuz I think I've spent the last three days drunk. We clearly had very different weekends."