Skip to main content

Friday Quotes!

Friday Quotes!The best I've heard, seen, read, uttered, or overheard.
"My brother peed in my mother's fireplace. The electric one."

"Oil? What kind of oil? Cockoil? I think we might have some cockoil in the house"

"You know what? When I went to put my ski boots on this morning I found condoms in there. I thought it was snow."

"Its like I hold all the cold deep in the tissues of my butt and only let it out if I absolutely have to."

"people get their panties in a bunch because you may have possibly called God an imaginary friend for adults under you breath at their baby’s Christening."

On church sign: "Staying in bed shouting, 'oh god' does not constitute going to church."
Labels:

Comments

  1. The Acorn KingDecember 12, 2008 at 6:43 PM

    Never ever pee in the electric fireplace, I learned that one the hard way. Peeing in the bug zapper is totally cool though.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousDecember 13, 2008 at 7:12 AM

    Now Presenting...Friday Quotes, The Lost Files, Jen's Birthday Party.

    "Escalante? Is that like a new Mercedes?"

    "In High School I totally smoked pot. I smoked like a fish."

    "I sneeze at the sight of vampire."

    "I think I'll puke right now if I drink a bong hit."

    "You could be the receptacle of blow juice."
    "Dude, that guy's a walking friday quote"

    -plus two I just couldn't decipher-

    Matt

    ReplyDelete
  3. Karin MitchellDecember 14, 2008 at 12:04 AM

    Thank goodness! I was so confused about where my notes on those quotes went!
    And yeah, the undecipherable ones might have had something to do with the Maker's.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Michael from dadcation.comDecember 14, 2008 at 7:04 PM

    I love this feature. I just hope to be a part of it some Friday soon.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Me-Me KingDecember 16, 2008 at 1:26 PM

    "My son dumped my weed in the floor furnace. Nose hits anyone?"

    ReplyDelete
  6. KellyDecember 22, 2008 at 10:25 PM

    "My doctor said the hemmoroid stickin out of my anus looked like a tiny rosebud. I'm not sure what to make of that."

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Home birth- The real fuckin deal

So the end of pregnancy is for the fuckin birds. I'm sure plenty of you out there know this. There's nothing to say but that you're sick of being pregnant. You're a little sick of the sweet smiles and knowing looks from strangers. You're just all over sick of it. You're spectacularly sick of the: when's your due date how far are you are you having a boy or a girl I bet you're sick of this what hospital are you going to, conversations. You miss when people used to ask about the soccer game you played or the book you're reading. You're sick of swollen handsfeetfaceneckanklesEVERYTHING. Oh and from the beginning of pregnancy until FRIDAY, I had NO stretch marks. Friday my entire lower abdomen erupted into one. giant. stretch mark. So all weekend, I thought, please let this be over soon. Every cramp I felt I welcomed and thought, "whatever work my body does now, it doesn't have to do during labor." Little did I know how much
12 comments
Read more

Dear Book Pimp

So I wrote this book and I think it's pretty decent. That's the feedback I'm getting anyway, which is bitchin' really since I have a degree in Education, NOT writing. Plus, this is my first try, so really I should be happy, right? But, turns out writing the book is maybe the easy part. The publishing is another story. You have to find a Literary Agent. To do this, you have to write a 1-3 page letter to many literary agents to convince them to read a sample chapter. Send it with a Self addressed stamped envelope (SASE) and wait. there's more but I'm already experiencing a high level anxiety just writing about this part. In my letter, I'm supposed to explain who I am, what my book's about, why I'm qualified to write it, why its sicky illy good, who'll read it, and on and on. AHHHHHhhhhh! This shit scares me. Also, I'm supposed to be witty, clever, literary, and junk. Oh and explain a 300 page book in a sales pitch. I'm not a frea
10 comments
Read more

Having Babies at Home

My whole life, I've heard the story of my cousin Anna's birth. And her sister's too. But I hear more about Anna's. My aunt didn't exactly have a lot of love for the medical profession. And her first baby had been a horrible experience. She'd had him wrenched from her at least as much as she "gave him up" for adoption by nursing staff who leered at her and called her unpleasant names. And she loved him when he was born. And she found him when he turned 18 and loved him till the day she died. When she had kids for keeps, she did it differently. She read books and assigned duties and had them at home. She was brave and surely faced many people who disagreed with her decision. But she stuck by her convictions and her desire for a natural birth and won 2 beautiful girls. My mom was there when Anna was born. So was her sister, Kristina. They both still get this sparkle in their eyes whenever they talk about it. My mom says it was one of the most
9 comments
Read more