Skip to main content

Poo Particles

When I was around 6, my cousin told me that whenever you smell something, it's tiny particles of that thing floating into your nostrils. So when you smell poop, or even farts, its actually poo particles floating into your nose.

I was pooping on the toilet at the time.

First I plugged my nose.
But then I was breathing through my mouth.
Ahhhh!!!! Shit in my mouth!!!!
I closed my mouth.
I tried to hold my breath.
Turning blue, I lifted my nightgown to cover my mouth and nose and breath.
I panted a little.


Then she said the particles are so small they can get through your nightgown.

So then for about 10 years I tried to hold my breath every time while going for a world's record in fastest crapper so it wouldn't get in my nose or my mouth.

Heaven forbid, she bring up this minutia while we're baking brownies. Twat.
Labels:

Comments

  1. AnonymousDecember 20, 2008 at 5:21 AM

    Oh yes, I can picture the 6-year-old sitting on the potty, legs dangling, wearing a strawberry shortcake nightgown and turning blue from holding her breath!! hee hee hee hee hee heeh heeeee
    mja

    ReplyDelete
  2. Karin MitchellDecember 20, 2008 at 9:54 AM

    I fought enough with my brother. Although she's coming to visitnext week and if she tells the story of how I pooped in the bathtub with her when I was 2 one more time, I might have to reconsider.

    ReplyDelete
  3. The Acorn KingDecember 20, 2008 at 11:19 AM

    I hear you shouldn't eat the mints they put out by the register at restaurants too, b/c people poop and don't wash their hands, then they grab those mints. Poop mints.

    Btw...I also check behind people's shower curtains when I go in their bathrooms to see if someone is hiding behind them. I like the way you think.

    ReplyDelete
  4. KellyDecember 22, 2008 at 5:34 PM

    But what about the poop particles going into your eyes? You could be blinded by shit. What if you had shit in your eyes? Then, everything you looked at would be brown!

    OMG! Just think of it! Everything would be brown!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Karin MitchellDecember 22, 2008 at 7:11 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousDecember 22, 2008 at 9:05 PM

    Molecules are cool. Particles not so much.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Karin MitchellDecember 23, 2008 at 12:32 PM

    Acorn King- Um, other people with same seriously obscure quirks...? Yeah, makes my heart happy. Or maybe that's Christmas and new skis. Either way, nice.

    Kelly- Brown eyes= stinky eyes

    ReplyDelete
  8. LoraJune 29, 2009 at 6:44 AM

    so it must be true.
    i love how we used almost exactly the same words to describe the phenomenon. Creepy!

    but the good kind of creepy!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Friday Quotes! The GAME

Introducing *drumroll please* Friday Quotes: The Game Apparently people play this game in their heads when they read this anyway so here's your chance to make it interactive. Guess who said each quote. You can post your answers in the comments. The person with the most correct answers gets.... the joy of being right. What? I don't paid for this blog, so you'll have to find self satisfaction wherever you can. Let the Games Begin! 1. "She's so dumb she thinks 'soy milk' is Spanish for 'I am milk'." 2. "Yeah... I didn't sit next to him on spaghetti day." 3. “Its just like when you don’t think about something, you know, and then you think about something.” 4. "What, you're my fucking mom? What, you shat me out of your womb?" 5. “I just had all of this emotion, and it burst forth from my face.” 6. “Chances are if you're reading it and you think its Heath, its probably Heath.” 7. “He drinks whiskey, or Izze, or l...
14 comments
Read more

Past tense

I work with this really kickass lawyer. She's been all crazy over this guy lately. He worked for probation. Past tense. Did you see it? Over the weekend he killed himself. Enter past tense, the unwelcome jerk. And I feel soooo terrible. And guilty. Because I tried it to. I talked about it a little in this post . Try #17 and on. That's where I talk about it. A little. And now when someone kills themselves, I feel guilty. Like what I did when I was 17 somehow makes me responsible for everyone who ever does it. Like because I tried it, I should know how to fix it. But there are tons of recovering drug addicts that can't tell you how to get sober. There are great thinkers that can't explain their ideas. And the fact is, no one can explain suicide.
6 comments
Read more

Wednesdays' Weirdos: Kindergarten Krazy

My friends took their 5 year old, Tempest, to look at schools in Denver. One of them went to the Waldorf Schools as a kid so they've been pretty into checking them out. I asked about the visit and these are some of the tidbits I got: - They speak really quietly, apparently its a little eerie. - They had a story telling time where they lit a candle and sat in a circle. At the end of story, they used a snuffer dealie bobber to snuff out the candle. Tempest asked how they did it and they told her "Magic..." in their whispery conspiratorial voices. - One of the teachers told the mom about how at night when she dreams she goes to an alternate plane where she meets up with the children and it is there that she finds out what the children need. Making her this week's Wednesday's Weirdo: Kindergarten Krazy. The dad did not think this was weird. The mom did. I said I'd like to think when she goes home and sleeps, she thinks of something other than work. But wh...
5 comments
Read more