"If I ran Disney World I’d make all the restaurants fill their hamburgers with glitter so later you’d actually poop glitter and it would be a magical surprise."
"You look funny with a beard cuz you're a lady."
"Maybe I could work for the circus. Or better yet, I could be Mrs. Santa's bearded sister."
"The next morning I groaned, “I feel like I stuffed a trash can up my vagina.""
"As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission."
"Maybe god put all the feces in their house."
"Vision! What do you know about my vision? My vision would turn you upside down, tear assunder your illusions and send the sanctuary of your own vision crashing down around you. Now ask yourself, do you really want that?"
"But it was Boooorrriiinng. You just blah blah, gay sex, blah blah congress. You know you gotta be, you know, interesting."
"I'm comin' for that ass, santa!"
..."Santa says the f-word!"
"So our first fight was because you thought I was a mean buttfucker?"
"I don't know anything about your father, or about psychics."
"Its like science, you don't have to understand it, you just have to believe it."
Linnea Quote (2 yr old niece)
"There's something in your ear. I think its a school bus."
The National Nazi Epidemic of 2017
9 minutes ago