Skip to main content

Friday Quotes

"If I ran Disney World I’d make all the restaurants fill their hamburgers with glitter so later you’d actually poop glitter and it would be a magical surprise."

"You look funny with a beard cuz you're a lady."
"Maybe I could work for the circus. Or better yet, I could be Mrs. Santa's bearded sister."

"The next morning I groaned, “I feel like I stuffed a trash can up my vagina.""

"As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission."

"Maybe god put all the feces in their house."

"Vision! What do you know about my vision? My vision would turn you upside down, tear assunder your illusions and send the sanctuary of your own vision crashing down around you. Now ask yourself, do you really want that?"

"But it was Boooorrriiinng. You just blah blah, gay sex, blah blah congress. You know you gotta be, you know, interesting."

"I'm comin' for that ass, santa!"
..."Santa says the f-word!"

"So our first fight was because you thought I was a mean buttfucker?"

"I don't know anything about your father, or about psychics."
"Its like science, you don't have to understand it, you just have to believe it."

Linnea Quote (2 yr old niece)
"There's something in your ear. I think its a school bus."

Comments

  1. Watched the Santa Boondocks...ha, ha, ha!!!
    So funny. I had still not watched an episode due to the crazy turn my life has seemed to taken but we are starting tonight. Sorry we are slackers. Saw you can get it on Netflix so if you want your DVDs back, I will just put them in my queue. In fact, I'll give them to you at the party tomorrow.
    Gotta go add them to my Netflix...see you!!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Home birth- The real fuckin deal

So the end of pregnancy is for the fuckin birds. I'm sure plenty of you out there know this. There's nothing to say but that you're sick of being pregnant. You're a little sick of the sweet smiles and knowing looks from strangers. You're just all over sick of it. You're spectacularly sick of the: when's your due date how far are you are you having a boy or a girl I bet you're sick of this what hospital are you going to, conversations. You miss when people used to ask about the soccer game you played or the book you're reading. You're sick of swollen handsfeetfaceneckanklesEVERYTHING. Oh and from the beginning of pregnancy until FRIDAY, I had NO stretch marks. Friday my entire lower abdomen erupted into one. giant. stretch mark. So all weekend, I thought, please let this be over soon. Every cramp I felt I welcomed and thought, "whatever work my body does now, it doesn't have to do during labor." Little did I know how much

Dear Book Pimp

So I wrote this book and I think it's pretty decent. That's the feedback I'm getting anyway, which is bitchin' really since I have a degree in Education, NOT writing. Plus, this is my first try, so really I should be happy, right? But, turns out writing the book is maybe the easy part. The publishing is another story. You have to find a Literary Agent. To do this, you have to write a 1-3 page letter to many literary agents to convince them to read a sample chapter. Send it with a Self addressed stamped envelope (SASE) and wait. there's more but I'm already experiencing a high level anxiety just writing about this part. In my letter, I'm supposed to explain who I am, what my book's about, why I'm qualified to write it, why its sicky illy good, who'll read it, and on and on. AHHHHHhhhhh! This shit scares me. Also, I'm supposed to be witty, clever, literary, and junk. Oh and explain a 300 page book in a sales pitch. I'm not a frea

Having Babies at Home

My whole life, I've heard the story of my cousin Anna's birth. And her sister's too. But I hear more about Anna's. My aunt didn't exactly have a lot of love for the medical profession. And her first baby had been a horrible experience. She'd had him wrenched from her at least as much as she "gave him up" for adoption by nursing staff who leered at her and called her unpleasant names. And she loved him when he was born. And she found him when he turned 18 and loved him till the day she died. When she had kids for keeps, she did it differently. She read books and assigned duties and had them at home. She was brave and surely faced many people who disagreed with her decision. But she stuck by her convictions and her desire for a natural birth and won 2 beautiful girls. My mom was there when Anna was born. So was her sister, Kristina. They both still get this sparkle in their eyes whenever they talk about it. My mom says it was one of the most