So I wrote this book and I think it's pretty decent. That's the feedback I'm getting anyway, which is bitchin' really since I have a degree in Education, NOT writing. Plus, this is my first try, so really I should be happy, right?
But, turns out writing the book is maybe the easy part. The publishing is another story. You have to find a Literary Agent. To do this, you have to write a 1-3 page letter to many literary agents to convince them to read a sample chapter. Send it with a Self addressed stamped envelope (SASE) and wait. there's more but I'm already experiencing a high level anxiety just writing about this part. In my letter, I'm supposed to explain who I am, what my book's about, why I'm qualified to write it, why its sicky illy good, who'll read it, and on and on. AHHHHHhhhhh!
This shit scares me.
Also, I'm supposed to be witty, clever, literary, and junk. Oh and explain a 300 page book in a sales pitch. I'm not a freakin' saleswoman. So here's my letter now:
Dear Book Pimp,
I prefer to call you a book pimp as it makes you sound stylish and powerful, which you likely are, at least with words. I like slang in case you can't tell. Also, I figure an agent who allows me to call them a Book Pimp won't mind if I say things like rockin' and fuck. I swear a lot. I prefer any social situation that allows me to do this. Just thought you should know up front. I do not have an association of Literary Agent with lady-slapping. I just like purple fur and think you should get some props for reading a lot of crappy writing.
My writing is not crappy. In fact, it's rockin'.
SPOILER ALERT* I don't know how to tell you about my book without spoiling some stuff so if you want to read it fresh, skip the next paragraph*
I wrote a manuscript and that's what folks who've read it have said. Its called Word Salad and its about a girl who grows up and all these fucked up things that happen to her. She's got a mom, but her mom's kinda coked out and leaves her with a dude who tries to rape her. She accidentally kills him with a swiss army knife. She was mostly just trying to stop him from raping her but any 12 yeard old who accidentally kills someone is going to be pretty messed up about it. The story follows her life until her mid thirties including a stint in a residential treatment center. I used to work in residential treatment as a teacher. (In case you're worried, I didn't use the word fuck there or any other cuss words, at least not in front of the kids.)
So I finished this writing project and told it to publish itself, but to this point it hasn't listened. Its just gotten passed around from friend to friend getting read. Which isn't so bad really, since I get to hear what people think about it who already like me. So my book's out there whoring itself, but what it really needs is a Book Pimp. This is where you come in. I'd like you to read a sample chapter or two and decide you'd like to represent it to publishers. I think the book could sell well since it represents a unique view point of a kid going through treatment and trying to come out the other side of treatment and become a "well-adjusted" adult. But just because she makes it out of treatment doesn't mean life stops handing her challenges. I think its a bit of a page turner, easy reading, but with some meaning too.
(Insert info on work life here along with how I'm good to work with because I take criticism so well as in I don't cry or throw things but keep my personal agony to myself and actually follow deadlines and stuff)
Then I'd leave my contact info and tell them to call me or else someone else might publish it and they'll be kicking themselves for not calling first.
Word em up!
aka Swedish Skier