Skip to main content

Friday Quotes

“We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit.” E.E. Cummings

"It is dark and there are roaches that try to rape me as I sleep."

"Yeah go on with your big engine. (waves cars on to pass) Go forth and pollute!"

"She's got a public queefing problem. Its cool though, she owns it. I mean she OWNS it. Its happened in meetings and people think she farted, but she lets them know, its a queefing problem."

"queef a bubble
v: to queef a bubble or get upset similar to twisting your panties or throwing a fit aka: q a b "

Obesrve the following excerpt from Flandsa Hasasanba's work:

"The turnip (Brassica rapa var. rapa) is a root vegetable commonly grown in temperate climates worldwide for its white, bulbous taproot. Small, tender, varieties are grown for human consumption, while larger varieties are grown as feed for livestock."

And compare it to the following uncannily similar Predator Press quote:

"Fat tourists should not tan in temperate climates worldwide. Their pasty, white bulbous flesh should not be exposed to human eyes under any circumstances. Larger varieties should be used strictly as feed for livestock."

"I love that you used the word Fiduciary."
"We're not going to use that word in this organization though right."
"We could have an accountant and call the person the fidouchebag."

"I'm pregnant and it was because of sex."

"How much sex do you have to have to have a queefing problem?"

"Can you put queefing on the agenda?"

"There's gonna be some shits and fuckins around."

"I just kicked myself with your foot."

"He's got like hate mail and hate sites about him."
"Shit, that's how you know you're doing a good job."


"Actually, her mom’s in the hospital, and I just suck at getting children ready rapidly. In fact, I can nearly guarantee we’ll be late tomorrow. Perhaps you should be proactive and fill out the top part of tomorrow’s tardy slip for us."

Labels

Labels:

Comments

  1. Michael from dadcation.comSeptember 26, 2008 at 3:48 PM

    Thanks for the quote props today! Can't believe I actually said that to a school employee yesterday.

    ReplyDelete
  2. meSeptember 26, 2008 at 4:30 PM

    'Twas a productive meeting.
    MQA, baby.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Karin MitchellSeptember 27, 2008 at 8:30 AM

    I used to be a teacher and that would have more than excused tardies in my class.
    I think MQA might deserve a posting of its own.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Where'd the monkeys in my hair go?

I promise I will post Wednesdays' Weirdos again next week, but the pictures for this week got trapped on my camera with a dead battery. Sorry. I suck. Instead I'll tell you a drinking story. We were in St. Louis visiting for the holidays and a rare opportunity to get annihilated with my girlfriends presented itself. I started out with two beers while I was waiting for the girls with Rob's friends. Then, when we got to the fancy-pants bar I switched to whiskey on the rocks. I'm at sea level so I think I can drink like a champ. Hmmm. After about three of these and I-don't-remember-how-many shots, I switched back to beer. Damn, I'm bright. At some point in the evening I realize that we're in a bar that used to be my favorite bar in the whole world. It was called Tangerine then. They had Go Go dancers on the bar and let you climb on it and had hand shaped chairs so your butt got held. They had trucker night where you got your drinks in mugs. They ha...
6 comments
Read more

Dear Book Pimp

So I wrote this book and I think it's pretty decent. That's the feedback I'm getting anyway, which is bitchin' really since I have a degree in Education, NOT writing. Plus, this is my first try, so really I should be happy, right? But, turns out writing the book is maybe the easy part. The publishing is another story. You have to find a Literary Agent. To do this, you have to write a 1-3 page letter to many literary agents to convince them to read a sample chapter. Send it with a Self addressed stamped envelope (SASE) and wait. there's more but I'm already experiencing a high level anxiety just writing about this part. In my letter, I'm supposed to explain who I am, what my book's about, why I'm qualified to write it, why its sicky illy good, who'll read it, and on and on. AHHHHHhhhhh! This shit scares me. Also, I'm supposed to be witty, clever, literary, and junk. Oh and explain a 300 page book in a sales pitch. I'm not a frea...
10 comments
Read more

Past tense

I work with this really kickass lawyer. She's been all crazy over this guy lately. He worked for probation. Past tense. Did you see it? Over the weekend he killed himself. Enter past tense, the unwelcome jerk. And I feel soooo terrible. And guilty. Because I tried it to. I talked about it a little in this post . Try #17 and on. That's where I talk about it. A little. And now when someone kills themselves, I feel guilty. Like what I did when I was 17 somehow makes me responsible for everyone who ever does it. Like because I tried it, I should know how to fix it. But there are tons of recovering drug addicts that can't tell you how to get sober. There are great thinkers that can't explain their ideas. And the fact is, no one can explain suicide.
6 comments
Read more