Library Patron "So you went to SCHOOL to become a liberrian? Just to check out books and stuff?"
Librarian LOUDLY- "The book you ordered, WHAT WOMEN WANT, should arrive in a week, hopefully sooner."
"In 2nd grade some kid told me that boys had hot-dogs and girls had buns and the hot-dog went in the bun, so I was envisioning sex in completely the wrong way."
"This music sounds like whales raping each other."
"Dumping gatorade over someone's head is like a baptism, with electrolytes."
"(she hooked up with) an Argentinean...cultural nookie"
"Cultural nookie. That sounds like a good band name...or a nightclub name...'Cultural Nookie'"
"Why is your butt eating your underwear?”
"Sprechen Sie DICK?"
"I'm thinking of taking Stunt Cock in a different direction. Kinda like a christian gansta rap kinda thing. I already have some new song titles I'm working on...'Sunday Morning Drive-by' and '40 days, 40 nights, and 40 ounces'."
"I'm in Bro. What do you think about 'Virgin Mary Badunk-a-dunk' or 'Bling Cross' or 'This ain't no Crucifiction limp'"
And my favorite Facebook comment this week:
"Here, I got this for you. If it doesn't help you conceive, I don't know what will. Except sex."