"I don't think I could stab someone. I'm terrible with a capri sun."
"Know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets."
"The kid called me a racist."
"Just cuz you've got a southern accent doesn't meant you're racist. It just increases the odds."
"YOu guys should totally come listen to my band. Its called "incognito." Its an air band. I play the air triangle."
"using the line..."From the guys who brought you White Chicks"...is not a good way to promote your movie."
"I'm in love with Coach Taylor from Friday Night Lights, why couldn't he have been my coach in high school? Oh, wait, I didn't play any sports..."
"I'm so excited. Today's the training where I get to talk about sex and say 'cock' and 'pussy' all day!"
"What a cute baby! Let's go get some cigarettes."
"My 8 yr old daughter just asked me what KFC stood for. I told her. She said, "OH I thought it stood for 'Kill the Fucking Chickens.'""