Sorry, this is not a joke or funny at all. We went to the doctor yesterday and found out that the fetus had no heartbeat. I will have a D&C today to get rid of "the products of conception." I don't want to talk about it and will likely pretend as though it never happened. I appreciate your thoughts and whatnots so please don't take this in the wrong way, but I don't want to hear anything from anyone right now. I will post more when I'm ready. I'm sure some of you who have been through it will understand. I appreciate your good thoughts and will let you know if we conceive again, next time like a normal person, waiting 13 weeks.
So the end of pregnancy is for the fuckin birds. I'm sure plenty of you out there know this. There's nothing to say but that you're sick of being pregnant. You're a little sick of the sweet smiles and knowing looks from strangers. You're just all over sick of it. You're spectacularly sick of the: when's your due date how far are you are you having a boy or a girl I bet you're sick of this what hospital are you going to, conversations. You miss when people used to ask about the soccer game you played or the book you're reading. You're sick of swollen handsfeetfaceneckanklesEVERYTHING. Oh and from the beginning of pregnancy until FRIDAY, I had NO stretch marks. Friday my entire lower abdomen erupted into one. giant. stretch mark. So all weekend, I thought, please let this be over soon. Every cramp I felt I welcomed and thought, "whatever work my body does now, it doesn't have to do during labor." Little did I know how much
I love you.
ReplyDeleteYou and Rob take care of each other and forget the world right now.
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