Skip to main content

How to Bug Your Spouse, Part Deux: Siblings

So I met a kindred spirit who also lives to annoy: Brianne's brother Justin. He spent the evening, Saturday night, hugging her with a shit-eating grin of sinister intent. Her response: "Don't touch me." A wise one since he, apparently, is prone to picking her up over his shoulder and holding her over the balcony. Might I mention they're both close to thirty.

Justin and I swapped a few methods. He shows up at her house at 8 am to poop in her bathroom. I plug my husband's nose as he's trying to brush his teeth.

Then later, I find out what Justin's big, shiny, red button is.

Brianne and Brad (her husband) were out to dinner one night and Brad mentioned something about sex. Justin immediately threw a fist full of spaghetti in Brad's face.

Don't worry, I was not deterred.

Me, "Wait, Justin... Isn't your mom all super open about sex? Isn't she the one that gave Brad and Brianne all kinds of sex toy stuff for an anniversary present?"
Justin "I JUST MET YOU and your already talking about my MOM!"
Me, giggling about to push his giant gleaming button, "So does this mean you don't want me to tell you about Brianne's sex dreams?"
Justin, "I hate you."

So much for kindred spirit. I just one the biggest bastard award. Little did he know, I have a similar button... Thankfully my brother and his wife only hold hands.
Labels:

Comments

  1. meNovember 18, 2008 at 6:48 AM

    He does hate you a little. But only a little because he was too busy checking out unibrows to really put his energy where it needed to be.

    ReplyDelete
  2. meNovember 18, 2008 at 6:49 AM

    I am glad my family can provide you material, btw. You should meet my mother...

    :)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Friday Quotes! The GAME

Introducing *drumroll please* Friday Quotes: The Game Apparently people play this game in their heads when they read this anyway so here's your chance to make it interactive. Guess who said each quote. You can post your answers in the comments. The person with the most correct answers gets.... the joy of being right. What? I don't paid for this blog, so you'll have to find self satisfaction wherever you can. Let the Games Begin! 1. "She's so dumb she thinks 'soy milk' is Spanish for 'I am milk'." 2. "Yeah... I didn't sit next to him on spaghetti day." 3. “Its just like when you don’t think about something, you know, and then you think about something.” 4. "What, you're my fucking mom? What, you shat me out of your womb?" 5. “I just had all of this emotion, and it burst forth from my face.” 6. “Chances are if you're reading it and you think its Heath, its probably Heath.” 7. “He drinks whiskey, or Izze, or l...
14 comments
Read more

Where'd the monkeys in my hair go?

I promise I will post Wednesdays' Weirdos again next week, but the pictures for this week got trapped on my camera with a dead battery. Sorry. I suck. Instead I'll tell you a drinking story. We were in St. Louis visiting for the holidays and a rare opportunity to get annihilated with my girlfriends presented itself. I started out with two beers while I was waiting for the girls with Rob's friends. Then, when we got to the fancy-pants bar I switched to whiskey on the rocks. I'm at sea level so I think I can drink like a champ. Hmmm. After about three of these and I-don't-remember-how-many shots, I switched back to beer. Damn, I'm bright. At some point in the evening I realize that we're in a bar that used to be my favorite bar in the whole world. It was called Tangerine then. They had Go Go dancers on the bar and let you climb on it and had hand shaped chairs so your butt got held. They had trucker night where you got your drinks in mugs. They ha...
6 comments
Read more

Past tense

I work with this really kickass lawyer. She's been all crazy over this guy lately. He worked for probation. Past tense. Did you see it? Over the weekend he killed himself. Enter past tense, the unwelcome jerk. And I feel soooo terrible. And guilty. Because I tried it to. I talked about it a little in this post . Try #17 and on. That's where I talk about it. A little. And now when someone kills themselves, I feel guilty. Like what I did when I was 17 somehow makes me responsible for everyone who ever does it. Like because I tried it, I should know how to fix it. But there are tons of recovering drug addicts that can't tell you how to get sober. There are great thinkers that can't explain their ideas. And the fact is, no one can explain suicide.
6 comments
Read more