"Jesus, are you trying to fuck her or set her on fire?"
"Sometimes they take too much batting practice and they leave their leg in the net."
(whispering) "I don't want a Mormon to cut my hair."
"I hate those metal core dudes with their eye liner and shaggy hair and tight jeans doing stupid kung fu kicks in the pit."
"What do you get when you cross Sir Elton John with a saber toothed tiger?"
"I don't know, but you better keep it away from my ass."
"small kids who swear are my kryptonite"
"Why is it coming up with pictures of women when I put in 'chest hair' and 'gold chains'?"
"There's a lot of assclownery afoot."
"They have a great brunch over at the AssClownery."
*singing* "Idea... I have an idea. I have an idea."
"What's your idea?"
"I'm singing until it comes."