So I met a kindred spirit who also lives to annoy: Brianne's brother Justin. He spent the evening, Saturday night, hugging her with a shit-eating grin of sinister intent. Her response: "Don't touch me." A wise one since he, apparently, is prone to picking her up over his shoulder and holding her over the balcony. Might I mention they're both close to thirty.
Justin and I swapped a few methods. He shows up at her house at 8 am to poop in her bathroom. I plug my husband's nose as he's trying to brush his teeth.
Then later, I find out what Justin's big, shiny, red button is.
Brianne and Brad (her husband) were out to dinner one night and Brad mentioned something about sex. Justin immediately threw a fist full of spaghetti in Brad's face.
Don't worry, I was not deterred.
Me, "Wait, Justin... Isn't your mom all super open about sex? Isn't she the one that gave Brad and Brianne all kinds of sex toy stuff for an anniversary present?"
Justin "I JUST MET YOU and your already talking about my MOM!"
Me, giggling about to push his giant gleaming button, "So does this mean you don't want me to tell you about Brianne's sex dreams?"
Justin, "I hate you."
So much for kindred spirit. I just one the biggest bastard award. Little did he know, I have a similar button... Thankfully my brother and his wife only hold hands.