"We have a holiday in canada called antelope day. Its
on every 23rd of october and its where we celibrate the antelope. we are
grateful that the antelopes allowed our pilgrims to sell there pelts and
meat to start our economy back in 1895 and every year we praise them by
drinking and partying and wearing antlers on our heads."
"You ever get so bored driving on a road like this that you want to pass yourself?"
"You just can't run a country like a whorehouse."
"By the dangling testes of Christ on the cross!"
"They're teaching sex ed in school. But he wasn't understanding what "menstruation" was, so I told him it was like throwing a party, and you put up decorations and make a cake, but no one shows up so you tear it all down and throw it away. And that premature ejaculation is when everyone shows up to the party two hours too early while you're still getting ready."
"Only a pussyboy who sits to pee during the middle of the night in response to his overactive, frightened bladder doesn’t have a mancave."
"I had a dream that Barack was my boyfriend. I woke up very happy."
"Oooh. That is good. Should I call you madam first hussy in November?"
"I voted for my boyfriend today. It is getting close to that time ... you should practice calling me Madame First Hussy."
"He bought a truck. Its got a winch on it, but he says I can't use it to drive up a tree. Don't worry, I asked."
"Heated seats are the best things that have ever happened to my butt."
"Now that's a broad statement."