"I'm no good at self control. If I want food, or sex, or alcohol there has to be a really good reason why I can't have those things. Or I'm having those things!"
"You cannot go from a tired, sad, introverted woman to a NUDIST! Who knew sunning her tits would make her happy!!?!"
"You two girls probly shouldn't hang out unsupervised anymore."
"Love you Karin... even though you should of stuffed a sock in my mouth to make me stop talking."
"That blue water really cleans my hands, but it sure tastes like shit!"
"I want to run for office. I wish I could."
"You'd be good at it."
"I cant because I work for the county. We're not allowed."
"I thought you were gonna say it was because of the felonies."
"fell off my bike and scraped most of the flesh off of the heals of my palms. can still type but holding a bar of soap is another story. Thank goodness for Rob"
"Fell off your bike and no bones broken...sounds like a win to me."
"Well done, friend. Try not to accidentally flay yourself anymore, I like you and I despise most people."
""fell" off your bike huh? I think it was more like Rob gave you the old "human 4-wheeler". I think you know me well enough to understand what this may be.
P.S. High five Rob for me."
Coworker: Do you smell paint?
Coworker: Why do I smell paint?
GRRB: Maybe you have a brain tumor.
"Ever tried lemon on your pimples? I tried it on a whim and I think it works. In other news, fuck you whomever said zits were for teens only"
"read 'Ever tried lemon on your nipples?tried it on a whim & think it works In other news, fuck U whomever said zits were for teens only.' and thought, what does lemon on your nipples do? Sounds exciting. Maybe I should put my glasses on."
"Could you please email this poem? Thanks in advance, citrus nipples."