I was just going to post this story but then I needed a Weirdo this week, so I decided to make this it.
There's this chiropractor girl we know and I've always found her a bit annoying but the 4th of July she was just an epic fail of a person.
She arrived wearing this ridiculous 80's outfit. Now, I'm not much for fashion or giving a shit about what people wear, but she clearly went to great length on this look so I'm going to judge it now.
She was wearing purple tight jeans, an 80's striped belly shirt, and a head band ala Willie Nelson although on her it looked more Robert Plant somehow. She was also wearing a fanny pack, which I'll give her she had a very practical explanation for so I'll leave that alone. Except, no I won't because it was white leather.
Frost that look with some feather jewelry and tooth bling and you've got a LOOK.
Which brings me to the beginning of the failure. This twat went up to my friends' little girl, Tempest, who is FIVE, and tried to sell her a feather necklace for $20. This ended in Tempest crying about not having $20 for the pretty necklace.
To complete the outfit, she brought an accessory dog who I'll tell you: sucks. This dog was completely untrained and energetic. He wandered the party, kept tracking mud into the house, jumping up on people's chairs and trying to sit behind them, creeping into the kids' strollers, trying to steal food off the grill. At one point it raised a leg, and no shit, peed on our friend Paulie.
Continuing on the theme of suck- This 4th of July Trainwreck asks me if Rob and I have had a boy or a girl. To my credit, I did not punch her in the face or make any mention of how math clearly isn't her strong suit since I'd only be 5 months pregnant at this point.
We headed out to watch fireworks and this girl's dog of course has eaten through his leash so rather than leave it in a car or gas chamber, she brings it and of course proceeds to NOT watch it at all. The dog is all over the place, and I feel bad for it because mostly the dog is scared of the fireworks and just trying to crawl under your skin to feel safe from the fireworks. But he lifted his leg and PEED on a dude, so I'm not about to comfort him.
Finally, the fireworks over, the dog knocks over Tempest as her dad's helping her pee and change into her pajamas. Now, my friend Demian doesn't like dogs to begin with, but the dog has just jumped all over his two year old, and knocked over his urinating 5 year old.
The crowd suddenly quiets as Demian speaks up.
"Natalie, your dog sucks! Seriously, first it peed on Paulie, its interfering with Tempest peeing, he just jumped in the stroller with Mattias..." He takes a deep breath and concludes deadpan, "You should prolly just put him down. Really though, you might just want to start over."
Topping off this weeks' Wednesdays' Weirdo, 4th of July Trainwreck, with a nice addition a Say-it-like-it-is Hero!
I'm feeling a little bit bad about this post so for the record the real reason I don't like this girl is that I think she's a shitty friend to our friend Dean and she's kind of a mooch. She wants everyone to hook her up with free riding gear and lift tickets and places to stay but she can't give a 5 year old a feather necklace she made herself.
I quit. Sort of.
2 days ago